Content warning: references to suicidality.
A few years ago, I sat down to write out as concisely as possible what’s helped me at times when I’m not exactly attached to life around me and quite suicidal resulting in To those who aren’t very attached to life. As part of that effort, I created an open source living plan, copied and inspired from my own that I created during my first paid sabbatical from work in 2019 (Automattic has incredible benefits and somehow I’m coming up soon on my second one). I didn’t think much would come from sharing it but, over the last three years since, I’ve gotten feedback that folks have used it and found it to be helpful. Since creating it though, I’ve read more, experienced more, and have learned more about how harmful 988 can be thanks to nonconsensual active rescue.
As I wrote when I first shared it, it’s not perfect but it’s been iterated upon today. I added in a few sections, cleaned up the instructions, and moved around some of the items. For example, before this was the last thing in the document:
The one thing that is most important to me and worth living for is: fill this out with what fits best for you.
Now, it’s at the very top with more context but without any pressure:
The one thing that is most important to me and worth living for is: fill this out with what fits best for you. This may be the last thing you fill out and it might take a while to return to it – that’s okay. Leave it blank for as long as you need to and know it’s okay if you can’t think of anything right now.
Once more, here’s a hallowed out copy below to fill out. Simply open the link below, click File > Make a Copy if you have a Google account or File > Download to download it to your computer and edit it with whatever you want to use.
Of note, you can create one and sit on it for as long as you’d like before sharing it with anyone. By design though, it’s meant to be shared. On it’s own, I still think it’s useful for self insight and reflection.
You might be wondering who can best benefit from creating this kind of plan and I’d recommend it for anyone who has brushed up against suicidal thoughts or has fallen into a deep depression. I wish I had created it long before I chronically became gripped by suicidal thoughts. It made it harder to know how to ask for help and for those in my life to understand what was going on. If anything too, having everything written out has helped me wrap my head around my support system and reminded me in dark moments who really is there.
I expect I’ll keep updating it and may one day create different pretend versions drawn from real life to help make it easier for folks to form their own. If you have any feedback, suggestions, or ideas, please know I welcome them.
If you’re struggling with your own and would like to see more specifics of my personal plan, happy to share a more filled in version privately without any of my friends’ contact information. Just contact me.
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