I can’t remember exactly when I got my last pair of cleats but I know they were the ones I wore in college, when I switched from soccer to rugby. My best guess is that I went into college with them as growing up I found it exceedingly hard to find a well fitting cleat that didn’t quickly cover my feet in blisters. I’d find a pair and cling to them for as long as I could. At least 14 years later, I let go of them today but not before thanking them for all they saw me through and tucking a note into their body with words of appreciation. I don’t understand why we discard the things that are old and treasured yet my minimalism wins out.
Despite often just carrying a backpack and a small bag, I brought them with me to many different cities across the world in the hopes of a pickup game. Soccer is one of the few areas of my life where I really play and have such pure joy in the intensity I feel in the middle of a game. They were with me as I re-learned how to run after ACL surgery. They were with me as I slowly made friends in new cities through the love of the game. They were with me as I fell in love with soccer again after some intense trauma threatened to extinguish my joy in playing. They were with me when I returned to play solo as vaccination rates soared during deep COVID days. They were with me when I played with those I loved and know no longer. They were with me on days when anxiety and depression overtook my ability to think much beyond dragging myself out to play a game that day. I put them on one last time today, carefully wrapping the laces around the bottom before tying them tight. The soles of the shoes are so perfectly worn down to my exact feet over years of playing that they feel like home to put back on.
It’s been over a year since I got new cleats but I haven’t been able to emotional part with them still. I asked my partner for help saying goodbye to them and shed some tears as I did. It was her idea to leave them with a note and I feel so incredibly lucky to be with a partner who understands and loves my sentimental nature. These things we carry with us matter and I hope I always feel the depths of gratitude for them rather than giving in to our consumerism culture. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the many memories and years of running, connecting, trying, playing. As is my ritual, I made sure the new cleats met the old and vice versa before sending them off.
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