places with patterns

Again and again, I’m reminded when nomading of how much the situation and place we are impacts us. It’s a lesson I love to re-learn and re-remember because being in back to back new situations gives me a chance to shake loose ideas of myself and patterns I’ve accrued in staying put. It also gives me the chance to choose again who I want to be when it might be harder (or sometimes easier!) to do so depending on what’s around me.

In Seattle, I have my car, an easy bus route, a beautiful bike, a walkable neighborhood, a grocery store full of good food nearby, parks to relax in, etc. I have deep grooves of patterns there in the same way I had in other places I lived. In San Diego, I lived by the sunsets and planned many of my day around catching them in a way I don’t in Seattle. When I lived in San Francisco, I learned the quiet times in the gym and coffee shops, often waking up far earlier than I do now to have a chance at peace.

This year I’ve ramped up travel more intentionally again after moving in with my partner and shrugging off a more expensive living situation, alongside recovering from some injuries that required my staying put. I’m in Phoenix now and just in my time here I am loving all that’s new: the americano I’m ordering over my usual cappuccino (a drink I’ve never really had much of before), the Jeep wrangler I’m renting that feels like a tank compared to my little mini cooper in Seattle, the shift in meeting times thanks to timezone changes allowing me to be a bit more awake and present with those I chat with in the morning, the sunny hiking trails in the winter time that are only 30 min away, and the gym with new and different equipment that calls to me to move my body in new ways. I tried using “Core Bags” for the first time the other day and had a blast watching YouTube videos to figure out what on earth to do with them, only to realize my arms were a bit too short for some of what I wanted to do.

These things that seem minor, like the car I drive or the ability to hike so easily in the winter, but they aren’t and I feel the way I shift. I feel safer on the roads in Phoenix in a bigger car surrounded by absurd drivers and it makes me more inclined to drive. I want to go further on a hike when it’s sunny and safe to do so this time of year compared to some of what’s available in Seattle right now. I feel more at peace and ready about needing to jump on a call when it’s an hour later in the morning, compared to some of my 6am and 7am calls when I’m fully on the west coast. I even feel physically sore in different ways when I have access to equipment that demands something else of my body.

I could ignore all of those calls to try something new but I relish in the exploration of “Who am I in X?” noting both what stays the same and what evolves. There are so many parts of me that remain the same no matter where I go and that is also helpful information–the texting and audio messaging with loved ones, the healthier relationship to sugar, the desire to be outside, the desire to be present with those I’m with. I worried about the sugar aspect when I was in Florida visiting my parents, the birthplace of my sweet tooth, and felt the grooves of that pattern strengthening by choosing to keep it going while there.

Usually in a year, there will be a spot or two I return to often for whatever reason (usually it relates to where a loved one is that I want to spend more time with)–Orlando, Washington DC, Phoenix, Denver, Portland. It’s changed wildly over time and over the years. Ironically, the same act of traveling and developing new ways of being molds itself into the same patterns in those places that I seek to shake loose. I returned to San Francisco recently for a work trip and spent an afternoon walking in the footsteps of a prior Anne in what I ate, explored, and took photos of. I wanted to feel the patterns of that Anne from 11 years ago and, in doing so, I felt all the ways I was different. The city that overwhelmed me suddenly felt very manageable. Meanwhile, the California Academy of Sciences continued to delight my little soul. I don’t know what that is in me that when I return to these places with patterns that I lose some of the desire for newness. I opt more for the joy of my favorite parts of these places than the chance to see how the city itself has evolved and what might become a favorite.

That might be the next challenge: to return somewhere with patterns and do everything new again as if for the first time. It’s something I’ve been thinking of with Seattle and it’s part of my inspiration for adding a “go somewhere new” recurring to do list item on my weekly list. I should likely write instead “be new” or “do something to remember you can be new” as that’s ultimately what I’m trying to cultivate and remember. I want to greet each day with a sense of possibility and intention. When the world gets narrow, our surroundings impact us and sometimes with some things we can choose differently. Looking at it from that vantage point of trying to stay open and remember the vastness of the world, I get why it might be something I want to stay close to. Nomading is just a shortcut to be closer to that lesson that I so often forget when my world shrinks.