For a fuller view of my writing beyond my recent posts, dive in below and peruse as much or as little as you’d like. I write about a wide range of topics from WordPress to Surrogacy to Photography to Mental Health. Don’t follow me if you want to only hear about a certain topic as I write based on what comes up for me in that moment of time. As always, thanks for reading.
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right as rain
How do you grieve someone you didn’t know? It’s coming up on a year since my brother died and an increasing unsteadiness has crept in over the last week or so. Death is hard to talk about and it’s even harder to talk about when people don’t ask. I wish people would ask about him more–somehow in not asking it only reinforces to me how little I had the chance to have him integrated into my life. No one views him as my brother, considering he is my half brother and was raised by my birthmom. I’m too weary to…
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Another Pride photo drive
We’re doing another photo drive for the WordPress Photo Directory for Pride this year. I’m excited to fill the directory with more rainbows and representation! One unique challenge with the directory is that photos can’t include recognizable faces. It made me think about stories I’ve heard about early Pride events in parts of the U.S., where marchers often wore masks to protect their identities. I remember seeing photos myself when I lived in San Diego and visited a local LGBTQ+ archive organization. Seeing the covered faces of people holding signs broke my heart and, at the same time, felt familiar.…
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personal touch
In an effort to be efficient and still “personable”, I am feeling a loss of humanity in some recent interactions that could be avoided. Specifically, in interactions where I’ve paid for something and the person responding has set up a system where they can seem engaging without actually needing to engage. The most egregious and repeatable example is often in my booking airbnbs. The last three times I’ve booked something, I’ve reached out in some combination in the way I always do: providing why I’m coming, when I expect to arrive (if I know), who I’m traveling with, and usually…
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long process
I’ve been very slowly reading Soul Mates by Thomas Moore. It’s one of those books that serves you well to read slowly as I find each page takes a while to fully absorb. In the latest return, the following quote caught me, especially as I feel myself running up against the jagged edges of myself: “Soul-work is usually a long process of taking the raw material life gives us, then making something out of it.” Soul Mates by Thomas Moore I catch myself sometimes trying to be as efficient as possible. I’ll intermittently stir a pot I’m cooking rice in…
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Engaging with the WordPress Community Post-Sabbatical
As I return from my sabbatical, my capacity to contribute to WordPress is also coming back. While my available hours may be cut, that just means a shift in how I engage with the project. I’m especially interested in gaining the perspective of someone who isn’t sponsored full-time. That way, if and when I’m able to return in a full-time capacity, I’ll do so with a deeper understanding of how to support others in this work, rooted in lived experience. There’s nothing quite like lived experience. With that in mind, I want to hear from both contributors and users of…
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Sabbatical II: 3 months
Similar thoughts have washed over me at the end of this sabbatical that hit me during the last: the way I want to spend my time persists, with or without sabbatical land, and “will I ever be as productive as I was before this?”. I remember towards the end of my first sabbatical writing a note in my phone to capture some of my sabbatical headspace hoping I could keep it going when I returned to work and hoping I could sustainably be changed by the time off. This second sabbatical is a testament to the effort I put in…
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agency
I’m on page 24 of an in-progress google doc as of quickly pausing to write this post from a weekend of Wilderness First Aid training. I still have 20 pages of hand written notes to go through, likely resulting in at least 10+ more pages of notes in the google doc. My handwriting is atrocious and I also know learning can deepen by rewriting what you’ve learned so I decided to type it all up. I offered to send it to some classmates as a bonus motivator to actually type it up and got a few email addresses at the…
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Thoughts on The Song of Significance
I finished The Song of Significance by Seth Godin a few weeks ago after Ma.tt sent a treasure trove of books to me after I asked him for a sabbatical recommendation (he sent 8 books so this is 2/8 write ups). Just as I went to write down thoughts the layoffs happened and my attention shifted. I’m returning to write about the book again with some even fresher humility as a result. Overall, I found the book to feel almost at the level of common sense and realized upon reflection that’s likely due to a combination of the intentionality of Automattic and my…
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endless loop
I am feeling low, low, low. Perhaps it took two months for me to decompress and have the wave of anxiety and sorrow hit me. I’m not sure but the last week or so I can barely get out of bed in the morning–a solid sign of an emotional crash. Much of what’s rumbling within centers around being born through surrogacy, my forever mental loop. I somewhat blame it on going through my stash of books to donate and re-reading just a few pages of The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler about women who relinquished their children in…
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always will be
When my Grannie died in 2009, I remember walking her fields in the cold, knowing she must have walked them thousands of times. I walked so far to the edges of them that I didn’t recognize where I was after coming across a private property sign before turning around to retrace my steps. I went into her study and looked at her desk which felt very in media res, like I’d walked into the middle of a story already well underway. Except she was dead and whatever she was working on was in truth suspended forever. A pair of her…
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Sabbatical II: 2 months
I came to write a recap of my second month of my second sabbatical but it was hard to write about anything other than the Automattic layoffs first. It’s one thing to experience the extreme privilege of a paid sabbatical and it’s another to do so while 16% of the company is laid off. Since the news hit, I’ve had to greatly resist jumping right back into work and trying to do what I can to help, both those I still work with and those I no longer do. As I write this, I remind myself to seriously rest–the best…
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Learn about those impacted by Automattic’s Workforce Reduction
16% of Automattic has been cut. 281 people across 90 countries. Each person impacted has a unique story and many valuable skills. I can’t possibly tell you about all of them, but after more than a decade at Automattic, I can share what it takes to work here so anyone hiring get a sense of the incredible talent now available. If you’re hiring a relevant job, comment below and I’ll pass it on. If you are hiring folks and want to know more about Automattic, comment below and I’ll either update this post with more relevant details or respond. Working…
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Thoughts on M Train
I finished M Train by Patti Smith curled up on my apartment’s nook yesterday. I started to read the book but, for some reason, also snagged the audio book version. As soon as I realized Patti Smith herself was narrating the book, I dedicated myself to hearing her words in her voice. Kelly recommended this sabbatical book for me and it’s not one I would have ever read if not for her recommendation. The entire book felt like a dream, perhaps because she centers her dreams so strongly and holds the markings of time so loosely. I loved the moments…
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Thoughts on Siddhartha
I finished Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse and wanted to jot down a few thoughts. Ma.tt sent this to me after I asked him for a sabbatical recommendation and I nearly gasped out loud when I got to the part where Siddhartha says, “I can think. I can fast. I can wait.” Suddenly, Matt’s X profile description came into focus. For many years, I carried poems by Hermann Hesse in my car. I’d grab it randomly usually to watch a sunset or have a date with myself at a local spot. Poems work wonders to bring you into a different headspace and…
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There’s something powerful when you can name that it’s a time to rebuild or rethink. To fully enter and give yourself over to the space of not knowing, being fragile, needing to change, needing input and expertise. It always helped me when coaches over the my childhood years of soccer named a year as a “rebuilding year”. It’s a different headspace with more experimentation (people playing in different positions and combinations), more hard conversations about what each person needs to work on, and more gnarly practices of sprints and drills to come together. 31 was a rebuilding year that has…
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Sabbatical II: 1 month
Yesterday evening, the sun shone bright through my apartment and I begrudgingly put on my shoes to go on a walk, knowing that I was now back in Seattle and not frolicking around in the land of sun in the southwest US. I originally planned to catch the sunset from the rooftop view of my apartment building but opted to watch it at Volunteer Park rather than rushing back. I noticed folks had telescopes out, too many to be a coincidence. A quick google later and I found out about the parade of 7 planets viewable in Seattle just after…
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preparing for two weeks phone-less and computer-less
My sabbatical starts Feb 1. I will be leaving straight from New Orleans on a work meetup to fly back to Seattle, hang at the airport, and then board a plane to San Diego with my partner. I plan to start the first two weeks both rigidly and free: A pal I met in San Diego started Passion Planner so, ahead of the trip, I purchased both an empty journal and a poem journal with prompts. I’ve written down the above in the journal along with some mantras for meditation and some important dates/times where I actually need to be…
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different way
I was on the phone with a childhood friend while waiting for a pal to arrive to Seward Park, one of my favorite parks in Seattle. On a clear day, you get a glorious view of Rainier. On rainy, cloudy days, the path circling the park makes for the perfect slow walk. It reminds me of a smaller Stanley Park in Vancouver, another park I fell in love with walking with my mom in 2015 while I was in Canada for the Women’s World Cup. “Hang on real quick”, in between venting on the phone, I snapped the following photo.…
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deeper into my bones
“An honourable human relationship—that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word “love”—is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other. It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation. It is important to do this because in so doing we do justice to our own complexity. It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us.” Adrienne Rich I love quotes and have long collected…
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Source of Truth Documentation
Building from my prior post on known gaps to fill after changes to my WordPress Contribution hours, I wanted to take some time to lightly document my approach to creating the Source of Truth to benefit a small crew of folks who are planning to carry this work forward. See it as similar to prior public documentation I’ve done for more experimental or tangential things. For now, a big thank you to the folks who are planning to jump in! I have always wanted this to be a more communally driven effort to avoid the bus factor but haven’t been able…
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Known gaps to fill after changes to my WordPress Contribution hours
My paid contribution hours to the WordPress project have gone to zero after this announcement and I only have a few weeks left until my second sabbatical starts on February 3rd. I’ll then return on May 5th. Until then, I want to document as much as I can things I’ve worked on that I’d love for folks to fill in and take over. Please also keep in mind the many core contributors who are still working on the project and, if you want to join them, please jump in. If you don’t want to, I understand and don’t consider this…
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life I have today
I’m at my parents’ house this week and, with that, comes the shadows and even physical items of former selves. There’s the oversized soccer trophy from a tournament I no longer remember much of that’s stood guard on my built-in desk ever since I proudly brought it home. There’s the bright pink hoodie I’m currently wearing from both the end of high school and college. I was known for wearing hoodies at school, partially because it allowed me to be out of dress code in middle school and high school without getting into trouble. I hated the stiff, tight shirts…
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I wish everyone had a blog
The writer wishes everyone had a blog to share their real thoughts like an interesting Lyft driver they met. They value authentic expressions over curated social media. They see blogs as versatile platforms for personal and shared experiences and hopes for a future with cozy, communal blog networks where people can connect and learn from each other.
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if none of this is true
A lot can happen in a year so if none of this is true, take hope that you’re a dreamer and creator, for yourself and others. More good will come your way. More magic is left in this life yet. You can also create your own. Never forget it. The above landed in my email this morning as part of a letter I wrote my future self on January 1st, 2024. and I couldn’t help but laugh at the “a lot can happen in a year” quip. This year has sucked in so many ways. Let me count the ways:…
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local walks
I was gearing up for a trip to Tokyo, Japan this week when I fell sick last Sunday and had to make the decision not to get on a plane on Tuesday. I made the decision I wish more people would make when they can around travel to prevent from getting more people sick and did it from a place of gratitude that it was an “extra” trip on my list rather than a necessary one. In preparing for the trip, I ensured my camera was properly charged with plenty of memory remaining to snap whatever photos I wanted. Instead,…
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Insights from Grief Recovery Sessions
Automattic recently started offering a new benefit: Grief Recovery sessions. Having read and thought a lot about grief in the last five years, I was a bit skeptical as it felt like the intent might be to help one process grief in order to get back to full productivity. What does “recovery” from grief even mean? Do I believe in “recovery”? After my brother died this summer and not being willing to go through trying to find a damn therapist, I decided to sign up. Only 10 folks are selected on a quarterly basis and I didn’t really know what…
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what a relief
I’m continually amazed in working with folks at Automattic and in the broader WordPress open source project how things that drain me, confuse me, and frustrate me instead bring others to life. While I’m quick to jump in to help move something forward, even if it’s not my forte or might drain me, I’m also learning to pay attention to what brings others to life just as much as I pay attention to what that is for me. It’s astonishing when the stars align and someone passionately sprints away with something that feels like a burden to me. It always…
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Uniting WordPress YouTubers: Going deep on WordPress Playground on December 4, 2024
Per usual, more notes around the next Uniting WordPress YouTuber call. Thank you to everyone who joined! I used Quill to power most of these high level notes (another continual quest to find the perfect AI notetaker). Recording AI summary powered by Quill Resources: WordPress Playground Features Demonstration In Short: Demonstrated extensive functionality including version control, plugin management, content import/export, and various integrations. Community Use Cases & Feedback In Short: Diverse use cases highlighted the tool’s versatility, while also pinpointing areas requiring improvement (stability and memory). Blueprints & Step Library Discussion In Short: The introduction of the Step Library is a significant step towards simplifying…
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Uniting WordPress YouTubers Part III on November 19th, 2024
The recent Uniting WordPress YouTuber call highlighted WordPress 6.7’s launch and the introduction of a new design library before diving into an AMA with Matías Ventura. Key topics included a discussion on the future of themes, enhancing the Gutenberg zoom out view, improving roadmap communication, and addressing community learning resources and imposter syndrome.
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cocooned
I’ve been craving the feeling of being out in the woods, the trees close and the mountains large. I’ve been getting by with city nature escapes on bike rides and, more recently due to a back injury flare, only walks. Today though, I found out that I can sit by a river with an umbrella around me huddled up with someone I love holding a second umbrella and still experience nature. In my defense, when I originally looked at the weather today was supposed to be rain free and the morning deceived me with glimmers of sun. I brought the…
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