The things you miss

I have returned home to Winter Park, FL for a couple of calming weeks after a long four months after graduating. It is odd knowing that I should be in the midst of studying, writing a paper, and meeting friends in the pit. Instead, I am working at my dream job and back home to spend time with family. Do I sound old yet? The best part is that I can work from anywhere. I can be in Winter Park one week and Denver next (as I soon will be). It’s incredible how freeing this is. It also brings to the forefront the things you miss about each place.

It has rained every afternoon at around 4pm or 5pm since I have been back in FL. After spending months in a drought in San Francisco, I forgot how much I longed for the sound of a thunderstorm brewing and eventually unleashing itself on everything and everyone. While I didn’t miss the humidity, I did miss the feeling of being soaked in sweet after running a couple of miles. It almost felt like a reward for working hard. San Francisco weather barely lets you glisten after running.

I miss the feeling of walking through campus seeing people you know and love. I miss the random text “hey in the library if you want to join”. I miss the school gym and how much fun it was to pound your body into shape while also running into friends. I miss the rugby practices where we would laugh one second and tackle the shit out of each other the next. I miss the feeling of working hard and being around others who did the same.

I miss Golden Gate park and the views from the tops of the hills when you are just about to give up getting to the top. I miss not being looked at but just fitting into the mix of people around me. I miss the feeling of turning a corner and not knowing what to expect. In Winter Park, I know each bump in the road like the back of my hand. There are no surprises- only memories.

I need to find a balance. I place that has meaning like a home but that still has enough space for me to feel like I will stumble upon something great.

I have always been such a routine person and with this switch to a job filled with chaos that embraces you wherever you are I am left to contemplate what’s next. Where will I live? Who will I know? What will I do? What am I bound by? The things I miss are both known and unknown to me. It is such a cliche but it is true that sometimes you must leave a place to realize what it means to you. I keep leaving and returning now only to miss more things about where I once was.

I am left to read, write, and  think long and hard about what it is I want. What a luxury it is to be able to do so.


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