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It’s that John Mayer song In Your Atmosphere…

“Wherever you go. Wherever you are. I’ll watch your life play out in pictures from afar.”

This is a love songpost to all my friends because I feel like I’m doing that with everyone I love. I’m watching so many wonderful lives play out in pictures from afar. Now that I’m so disconnected from social media, the pain of not seeing people and truly knowing how they are has been shoved in my face. I feel it for what it really is without social media as a buffer. I won’t lie, it does make me want to run back and jump into the open arms of social media. I can’t though. The dull ache of missing people remains and liking an Instagram will no longer suffice in soothing that.

So this is my love post to my friends near and far. I’ve been lucky to have some friends who are willing to reconnect with me via long and rambling emails. Those emails make my heart hum as a childhood friend of mine used to say (I just like the imagery that comes with that line). Now it’s nearing 1am and I’m listening to John Mayer on repeat and thinking about how lucky I am to know the people I do. If only we could all buy tiny homes and make a tiny home community and live happily ever after (I’m in if you are…).

This is the reality post graduation. You see friends when you see them. You see your best friends by paying lots of $$$ to fly who knows where. You see your family on holidays and you talk to them when random life obstacles come up that you’ve never had to deal with (ex: HMO vs PPO vs what? Aka what is insurance and how does it work). What about the rest of the time? The rest of the time is the time I’m trying to change.

I have this habit ever since I can remember having a cellphone (think 7th or 8th grade) of texting people and just blurting out that I miss them and love them. It’s like I get this overwhelming urge to hug everyone I love but 1) my arms are too small and 2) it’s hard to gather that many people in the same place at the same time. So I text them “hey just was thinking of you and how much I miss biking to get smoothies with you. How’s life treating you? Tell me something good going on in your life right now!” On and on. I open up my contacts and just start writing until I’m totally engrossed with memories. This used to feel great and result in lots of awesome catch up convos because, in most cases, there was a clear path to us seeing each other again. Now? I don’t even know what that path would look like for most people. It’s more a matter of happenstance and, well, money to make reuniting happen.

This leads me back to social media and how it lets superficial and long distance mini reunions happen on a daily basis. Without these, I don’t know that so and so is studying abroad and took a picture at a professional soccer game with some famous dude I’ve never seen. I can’t comment or like or otherwise mentally catch up with the people I care about. The shallowness of it all leaves me unsettled because I let it distract me from actually connecting with the people I care about.

This is slowly but surely changing. Friends, I love you and miss you. At the least, expect a rambling text. At the most, watch out for a bear hug.