Truth is everywhere. It’s in religions, books, sports, work, play, relationships, strangers, etc. I’m realizing more and more how important it is to have people who can shine light on your own personal truth. The people who will hold you accountable and hold the mirror up to you so you can face yourself knowing you aren’t alone. The people who take the time to know you so they even have an understanding of what your reflection might look like. The ones who can speak truth to who you are and what you want even when you struggle to explain it yourself.

I had a friend hold the mirror up today and it was hard to face. Fortunately and unfortunately, I have an entire text record of the exchange. Of course this means I’ve been re-reading it and trying to understand how I got here. Years pass quickly and habits build sometimes without conscious effort. Suddenly what was once just an exception to the rule becomes the rule for your interactions with others. You accept less than and it doesn’t make you happy. Emotionally, it feels like when you accidentally opt in to receive email updates for some account set up only to find yourself 3 years later deleting those same damn emails. You forget you can unsubscribe, change, move on, demand more, etc. I forgot. I desensitized myself to it.

Desensitizing yourself is a strange task. It some situations, it helps you adapt in a positive way – what used to previously cause you suffering no longer jars your soul as much. Depending on what that thing is this could be a very positive or negative development. Being desensitized to abuse, for example, is not a positive thing.

In other words, I have a lot of growing left to do and I’m not sure where to start. I do know I’m lucky to have people care enough to wake me up to the fact that I need to demand more (whatever that actually means).

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