I jumped on a call the other day for work. I didn’t want to speak. I struggled to muster words. I was craving silence.
I didn’t realize until recently how much of my life is filled with noise. Music in the car. Music at the coffee shop. Music at the gym. Music while I work. Podcasts blaring as my eyes drift to sleep. I practically survive on this adrenaline inducing noise – this constant heartbeat for my life. Notifications, texts, emails, pings. It never stops. It’s unrelenting. It feels like an avalanche that keeps burying me deeper and deeper as I try to dig myself out. Answer emails. Reply to texts. Check notifications for work. This maintenance to survive is baffling.
What happens if one just never responds to an email again? Does the world end? 😉 I’m tempted to find out.
I’m craving silence and I’m craving listening rather than speaking. I feel myself easing back. I’ve never really been the one to sit back, not add anything, and just listen during a conversation. I normally am guiding it, asking questions, etc. I’m ready to sit back. I’m ready to listen. I’m ready for silence.
With that, I’m driving to a park, leaving my phone, and going on a walk.
agm 
2 responses to “Craving silence”
I can carve out a lot of quiet for myself these days and I appreciate that so much, but I find myself more and more trying to reduce the amount of visual communication, particularly in the form of screens. Hours will go by and I’ll realize I’ve been essentially experiencing the world through a tunnel of Slack conversations, websites, social media streams. It’s actually kind of shocking to blink-blink-blink and look around.
YES – I would love if there was a way to track how much time I spend staring at a screen across devices. What did people stare at before screens? Did it feel as mind numbing as screens do now? Sigh. The research around the lights affecting hormones related to sleep is fascinating and totally reflects my own experience (why I likely still stay up too late): “The blue light emitted by screens on cell phones, computers, tablets, and televisions restrain the production of melatonin, the hormone that controls your sleep/wake cycle or circadian rhythm. Reducing melatonin makes it harder to fall and stay asleep.” https://sleep.org/articles/ways-technology-affects-sleep/