I just bought a nice camera – aka I have upgraded from just using the camera on my phone. I was so excited to get it and to start taking picture that I didn’t consider how I might feel taking pictures now that it was so obvious that that was what I was doing. I am used to being able to observe and photograph without interruption or notice. Suddenly, I became incredibly self aware as soon as I had that camera around my neck. I immediately felt apologetic and awkward. I didn’t feel comfortable with this thing in my hand. I didn’t want to observe others. I didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or like they had to scamper out of my shot. It was so much easier when I was undercover. On top of these feelings, I loathe being observed myself. I am one who will duck out of shots and have to be dragged into a photo. It’s painful to be the one to cause an increase in those feelings for others. At the same time, I am now being observed more with this ridiculous camera in my hand.

I’ve gone out for three trips now with my new camera. I’m still a fool who is frantically messing around with settings trying to figure out how the hell this piece of tech works. Thankfully, I’ve always loved gadgets and today I found myself manically skipping along the beach of La Jolla snapping picture after picture. I’m growing more confident having the camera in my hand. It’s becoming something to capture my vision rather than something that makes me uncomfortable for having one in the first place.



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