After months of random, one off strangers dealing with my hair on a 3-5 week basis, I have a barber. I call. She knows me and recognizes my voice when I call – “Anne? Hey! When works to get you in?”. I went in yesterday as the news of the lottery broke. As many humans do, we discussed how life would change if we won that money.

“I’d travel through Europe and do all the classic cities – London, Paris, Barcelona. After a month or so, I’d get restless and come back to open up an animal shelter.”

As MY barber answered (love saying that), it struck me how self aware she was about that restless feeling. I paused and pointed it out to her.

“I love how you know you’d get restless. So many seek travel as an end point but you’re still left with the rest of your life. It’s fascinating how we all know we’d eventually get bored simply being somewhere new.”

This is the part I’m stuck on. I can travel for travel’s sake and I have. I have gone far and wide and deep and into little tiny corners of the universe. I still have the rest of my life to face and to deal with. I still have afternoons with no to do lists and no new sights to see. This last round of nomading has been hard to shake or, rather, normal every day life is harder for me to fall back in love with right now.

Life feels oh so very long right now and I just hope to keep my energy up for it all. I keep filling up my time and immediately questioning it. Picking up a book and wondering why I’m reading that specific one and not another. Going for a walk by the beach wondering what’s the point. I played soccer on Monday night (as is my routine in San Diego) only to pause to question why I was caught up on winning the game. Why is that the goal instead of “working on my left foot” or “being a really nice person to play with”? I didn’t have a good answer for why winning was the default.

Restless. That’s how I’m feeling right now.

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