I realized something about myself today that felt worthy of some quick life documentation. I do tasks that should slow you down quickly. I’ll write letters to other people but rather than taking my time I’ll scribble furiously usually without many breaks between letters. It all just comes flooding out. I’ll make bread but do it rapidly with great concentration. I’ll go to take pictures and end up nearly running around snapping every shot I can imagine. These tasks that should make me slow down somehow make me speed up with excitement and focus. It’s as if the act of slowing down ramps up this internal sense of “whew this feels nice” and suddenly I’ve powered through whatever the activity might be chasing that feeling.

On the flip side, I’m very slow in other forms of communication. I’ll really take my time with emails and have numerous novel text conversations going right now with friends across the world.

It’s as if I never really let myself embrace the medium and instead pull it back to center. A slow task speeds up while a quick task slows down. As an aside, I always find it fascinating how much a medium can impact your state of mind. Typing on a computer feels incredibly different than writing with a pen and paper.

Perhaps my little soul is just constantly trying to find that balance of just right in all that I do. I’m not quite sure. These thoughts harken back to a previous post I wrote:

When I do long for goldilocks’ dream, I quickly realize that I’m not sure how meaningful I’d find being “just right”. I find that by not being right, I have more of a drive for reflection and improvement.

We are such contradictory, confusing, and complex creatures.

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