The World Cup has been dazzling and dramatic. I expected nothing less. I keep having moments of disbelief that I’m actually here and watching the games. I rub my eyes, blink a million times, and strain my eyes to soak up every sight I can. This is where my instinct to remember and capture everything comes roaring into play nearly exhausting me.
Growing up, I used to spend hours documenting whether it was trying to capture videos, pictures, or just scribbling down journal entries into my private blogger account. I have always had this strong desire to remember and to bottle up as if I’ll need it on a rainy day. The scary thing is I have needed those memories to keep me going on tough days so perhaps I was onto something even at a young age.
The US vs England game had my stomach in knots. I could hardly eat before the game. I thought I was stressed out about the complicated public transit situation but found that even when we arrived at the stadium nearly 1.5 hours after departing the apartment the nerves remained. I was having full on “game day” nerves that haunted me in my youth (and sometimes in my way less intense soccer ventures now). They lasted the entire game as I sat, sweating, on the edge of my seat in agony watching each play willing it all to be seared into my brain for all of eternity.
I feel so lucky that combined with watching the games live, I’ve been able to explore France as a country. I have such a deeper appreciation for life here and for the richness of history that marks each place we experience. Compared to the 2015 World Cup where I camped out in Vancouver, this feels quite a bit more rewarding. Vancouver was good for my soul to unwind whereas exploring France has been good for my soul to expand. In particular, it’s been incredible to dive deep into my fascination for WWII history and to gain a deeper appreciation for just what occurred not so many years ago.
Tomorrow is the World Cup Finals and it still hasn’t set in that I’ll be going. There seems to be a trend amongst millennials right now about “investing in yourself” and “loving yourself”. Taking myself on this trip (and my mom) makes me want to propose to myself at this rate ;). You really outdid yourself, Past Anne. I was so convinced something would go wrong and things have… yet here we are.
I was worried that after this trip, I would “crash” and get depressed coming off such a high. This often happens to me and I have to be careful when returning to non-nomading life. I’m fairly convinced this is part of what made the Fall so hard for me last year as I came off of nearly 3 months in Europe and 3 months in Colorado before trying to stay in San Diego. This time, I look forward to returning. I already have things I can’t wait for in the coming months including a family reunion of sorts, a friend’s baby arriving, a fantastic wedding in August, and a very close friend potentially moving to San Diego. That’s not even including my paid 3 month sabbatical starting Sept 18 (shhh I have no plans for it right now). It’s incredible to still feel momentum even after such a momentous trip. The World Cup final is just one in a long line of things I’m excited for. As always, it proves that I’m learning and growing in my awareness of myself/my life. Ultimately, I don’t want to jump from one big adventure to another to keep me going but to find a way to embrace it all with a “for such a time as this” mindset.