Confession time: my first ever blog was on Blogger and I still write on it. It’s private with only four souls ever being given access over its ~14 year history. No one has access currently and the 653 posts represent my young heart out in the ether. Unfortunately, the posts only go back to 2009 as I deleted prior posts in a moment of hormonal teenage angst that I still regret to this day. The only way I cope with this loss of information is knowing that I truly believe it was an integral part in helping my little soul move on at a time when I felt entirely stuck in certain emotions.
This original blog has become increasingly less active as I’ve written more here and have embraced the extensive writing I must do for my day to day job (I’m at 1,316,115 words over 5.5 years and that’s just the words that are tracked in one system). Add into this postcards, texting, instagram messages/captions, emails, etcetc. In 2019, I only wrote one post on there and it was the night the Women’s National Soccer team won the World Cup. I likely wrote it around 3am when my adrenaline wouldn’t subside and I needed to mark this moment somewhere in my record book of life. Even years later, this private blog is that record keeper for me.
After spending time in Portland with my childhood friend, I’ve walked away inspired to write more particularly privately. I spend so much time curating my thoughts for consumption that I can already feel my brain relax and shift when I open up the out of date blogger interface to write without an audience. My sentences are simpler and I gush about those I love more. It’s only been a few days of returning to my old ways of prolific journaling but I’ve missed it. I’m already catching myself going about my day excited to write about it later and process (side note: I’ve noticed this phenomenon with instagram where I’ll go about my day seeing instagramable moments that I could quickly snap). I am in such a happy spot in my life right now and it brings me great joy to be able to add these moments to my makeshift life record book.
Do you write privately anywhere? Do you find you write differently when you do so – either about different things or in a different style?
I’ll leave you with an excerpt from today’s entry:
Today was wonderful and I’m overflowing with gratitude. I’ve come so far and every step I took to get here just makes me more thankful for the steps I take now.
agm 
5 responses to “Record book”
I find when I journal for myself, my words come out more as written prayers for those around me who are touching my life — I don’t start with a prayer journal, but somehow it always ends up as one.
That’s absolutely beautiful ❤ I'm oddly finding the same – so many very specific hopes and notes of appreciation for those in my life.
Writing privately is such a helpful release. I can lay out all the honest thoughts without fear of judgement or ticking anyone off. The deepest fears, joys and agonies are all shared.. with just the ether.
I don’t have a private blog, but write them as private posts on my speakeasy.
I don’t know why but I can relate to this post so well. Especially the hormonal teenager part, I experience that a lot
Yes. Writing is therapy. A comfort when you put it out there. I’d like it better if no one in my circle reads it 😬