contrast

It’s felt like a year of contrast: Staying put in Seattle yet leaving and exploring. Friendship heartbreak and falling in love steadily. Slowing down yet so, so much anxiety. A year of strong habits and chosen newness, like tea time. I traveled to Spain (twice), Greece, Italy, Denmark, Belgium, and very briefly Austria for a hike. I finally made it to Montana and hiked through fall colors nestled against big mountains with a wonderful human by my side. I camped outside next to that same person, awake all night and so happy to be there. I met my mom’s Danish Family who I’ve heard stories of my whole life with the chance to see the place where she stayed in the 60s. Two close friends came to visit me in Seattle, helping me create more memories in a place I’m settling into. I cross country skied for the first time and biked so much that my coccyx hurts as I write this (whoops). The moments of daily intimacy meant the most, like a casual walk through the neighborhood or an audio message popping up on my phone. Midway through the year, I wrote down some guiding values that I plan to stick to in the year ahead. They weren’t meant for the arbitrary nature of the span of a single year:

• be more present.
• move slower/be more careful (with my words, driving, slowing down in general).
• be more intentional (make time for the things I care about).
• be more curious (read more, less screen time, listening).
• be — less justifying, less defensive, less explaining, stay firm. 
• be a community builder (have people over, volunteer, connect folks).
• be with life as it is and be shaped by it (added on March 6th, 2024).

Much of this year, I’ve been at a loss. It’s both sucked and has been incredibly enlightening. Along the way, I’ve kept myself open to the possibilities and stayed present with what is today rather than needing to know the way forward. The result has been a big love in my life, an incredible amount of healing in some friendships, and some connections completely fizzling… for now. Who knows! I haven’t often let myself be at a loss and it’s something I want to continue to do going forward. Last year, I started it choosing to be open and that’s served me so well.

In the year ahead, I feel myself wanting to renew various friendships with trips and time together, to remain near Seattle for more local adventures, and a continued focus on going slow. I have a deep appreciation for where I am now and I just want to be present enough to enjoy it deeply. It’s easy to do that when I work at a place like Automattic (happy birthday, Matt). Everything can change so quickly. Here’s to a year of contrast, being stretched, and landing on new ground.