fill

At the start of the last week, I felt like a damaged plane looking for a safe spot for a landing with only so much fuel left to figure out what to do. I landed very safely and with lots of support after a brutal week. I slept hard. I napped because I could. I cancelled trips (and found out about a new work one). I slowly worked out. I went on long walks in nature with loved ones. I moved things around on my to do list to future dates, only focusing on what absolutely needed to be done. I talked aimlessly on the phone. I didn’t cook a single meal. My girlfriend cooked them all and cared for me, creating this safe spot for me to land seemingly out of thin air. The trees parted and there she was, arms wide with snacks at the ready. I’m amazed to have someone in my life who can be with me in these moments where I am mentally unwell. How at the core it just requires someone who is willing to sit in the horribleness and not look away. To walk alongside rather than to fix. There’s a quote on the topic that I can’t seem to find and don’t have the energy to track down further. I hold close the people who just seem to know how to do this and only hope I can pay it forward or return the favor in time.

I can’t explain the gratitude I have to have a place like this to crash where I feel safe, cared for, and off the hook. To eat meals in the bright sun that I didn’t cook that fuel my body to move outside and help me sleep hard at night. To eat meals with another person at all after COVID. I let gratitude fill me as I leave. I haven’t often had this.