Sabbatical II: 1 month

Yesterday evening, the sun shone bright through my apartment and I begrudgingly put on my shoes to go on a walk, knowing that I was now back in Seattle and not frolicking around in the land of sun in the southwest US. I originally planned to catch the sunset from the rooftop view of my apartment building but opted to watch it at Volunteer Park rather than rushing back. I noticed folks had telescopes out, too many to be a coincidence. A quick google later and I found out about the parade of 7 planets viewable in Seattle just after sunset and, by chance, visible from exactly where I stood. Even though I was in shorts, I waited for the sun to depart to see what I could learn from the small crowd gathered.

“Venus!” Venus was the most visible first, bright and big, and various folks in the know started announcing its presence. Soon, someone approached me asking, “What is this about?” and I became the person relaying information, pointing out Venus and informing them we were looking for Mercury. I was handed binoculars and instructed to find Venus then go straight down, looking for the tiny bright dot of Mercury. My childhood self who wanted binoculars for Christmas was elated. Plus, a task! Someone near me ended up finding Mercury, equipped with much more powerful binoculars. More scrambling happened to line up more telescopes. Next thing I knew, I was helping set up the largest telescope out there to help get a better view of Mercury, the first sighting in five years from Volunteer Park (a fact I heard repeated and that I found myself repeating to passersby). I peered into every telescope I could–Jupiter and its moons blew me away. Before I left, I heard Mars announced and glanced up to see a small, shimmering red dot.

I wonder if I would have gone on that walk if I wasn’t on sabbatical. I’d like to think I would have but would I have stayed long after the sunset? I’m one month into my sabbatical and it already feels like it’s been three months. I returned to Seattle on Wednesday and had to repeatedly remind myself that I wasn’t going back to work any time soon, despite my brain clearly feeling ready for it. The first two weeks of my sabbatical I successfully did phone and computer-less with the computer-less continuing until my return to Seattle, marking nearly a month without my computer. Turning both off was incredibly powerful and shockingly easy. My inner dialogue was suddenly very rich and fully mine. My sleep was deep and long, nudged on by also detoxing from caffeine. I slept 12-14 hours the first 3-4 days and could feel the stress melt away. I drank more water, bringing a water bottle I got for Christmas with me instead of my phone. I naturally got tired at 9 at night. Coming into this sabbatical, I was very proud of how I had learned from my last one and didn’t feel wickedly burned out, managing to keep a very good work/life balance in the subsequent 5.5 years. That first week was a wake up call for how much my body/mind/soul was keeping me going and how much I really needed to crash. Crash, I did.

The hardest part of the two weeks not having my phone turned out to be frustration with my x100F camera which repeatedly had battery issues, causing me to feel helpless to document the beautiful views in front of me. A private gym I found nearby was my haven and I worked out nearly every day, losing track of time and at the mercy of whatever music was or wasn’t playing. My partner brought me a puzzle to do and I dedicated myself to it, eventually singing to myself. The singing increased and included Phantom of the Opera soundtracks and “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus. My partner joined in one night and we sang one of our songs to each other, poorly and happily. We also read to each other, something we want to continue and that I’d love to do with more people. It’s such a beautiful and intimate act to read to one another. As the days went on, a childlike part of myself returned and it felt so natural to spend so much time with just myself and my thoughts. San Diego was a hard mental headspace for me despite being such a soft landing space, beauty and lifestyle wise. I journaled nearly every day too, reflecting on friendships that have faded, people I still miss years on, and how different my life is. It felt surreal to bring my partner somewhere that left such a lasting impact on me, walking the same paths I had hundreds of times. No matter what I write here, it won’t be enough to capture what I want.

After turning my phone back on, I realized that it was also the longest I had gone not checking the news and not checking my financial accounts. I check both on a daily or multiple times a day basis. Why? I have no clue. I don’t need to be. In an effort to keep the phone-less vibe going, I bought a simple and small digital alarm clock so I can turn my phone off but still get up if I need to by a certain time. A few days ago when I was driving with my Uncle, I reached over and turned my phone off. I didn’t need it.

Following San Diego, I headed to ABQ for an epic friend trip at a ridiculously cool airbnb featured in Architectural Digest. It was like living in a really cool museum for five days. We made an elaborate brunch, worked out together, played soft jazz to match the vibe, and caught as many sunsets and sunrises as we could from as many of the SIX balconies as we could. What made the trip so magical was the varying combinations of hangouts that happened across the entire crew–solo time, 1on1 time, group hangs. I am already looking to book the spot again perhaps for the ABQ balloon festival.

I followed that with what I’ll lovingly call “old people time” where I visited my partner’s 92 year old grandparents. Within moments of walking into their house, I was ushered to their computer room where her grandma had a list of things for me to help with. With all the time in the world, I ended up making a custom guide for how they can get into their doctor’s portal and re-made a flow chart for new instructions for picking up medication from the air force base’s pharmacy. I want to pause at this point and curse QR codes. These are simply not helpful and not enough. A deep passion of mine is bringing many people into technology in a productive, freeing way and being around her grandma who was simply trying to renew prescriptions or schedule a doctors appointment online left me feeling the impact of how much none of us get this right. It’s not just about the next generation coming up. It’s also about our damn older generations and not leaving them behind. Hearing about a lifetime of stories made me feel this time in my life so differently. What precious, rare time.

I followed that trip with a visit to my Uncle who is wintering in Palm Springs and handled everything about our time together. I can now tell you about just about every golf course in the area, can show you around a few fancy car dealerships, and can point you towards some incredible food. I’ve only ever really watched golf on TV and got a crash course in how every day golf is played. I kept thinking people were cheating when they’d pick up the ball when it was a foot from the hole only to find out that that’s a normal flow of the game when you’re casually playing. It was hot while I was there and it made my FL born soul delight yet also made me excited to return to cooler temperatures in Seattle.

Coming back to Seattle a few days ago, I was hit with this impending feeling of returning to work soon over and over again. At the grocery store, I thought about what food would be easy to make for lunch so I could focus more on… wait a second. I don’t have any work to do. As I write this, my brain still loops on work and I let it. I see it as a sign of loving the problems and people I get to work on and with. A big theme I’ve been feeling there is that I want work to be more fun—to create and find fun. 

As my sabbatical came into view, I’ve been asking folks in my life to share one book they think I should read while I have this time off. My partner asked me to read Ancillary Justice, partially to get a glimpse into the kind of fiction she writes and sometimes reads. I read it in San Diego and it’s been so cool to talk about a book she loves so much. I’m in the process of reading M Train, recommended by Kelly, and am finding her stories both entirely relatable and un-relatable in the best way. I asked Matt as the CEO of Automattic what he’d recommend and he sent me a stack of 8 books. I started on Siddhartha the night I got in and have already read another he sent that happens to be one of my favorite books (Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives). I’m still waiting to hear from a few what they’d request and I can already feel my world expanding even more in this time off, venturing into ideas I might not come across otherwise.

Ultimately, this time feels like an extension of my life already and I only want to help time stretch on longer. I want to unsubscribe from nearly all email (in the process of that). I want to only read the news once per week. If anyone has a good weekly news summary that I can get sent to my email, please share. I want to check my finances less, recognizing it’s a false sense of safety to stare at the numbers in my bank account. I want to do more friend trips with as many combinations of people as possible. I want to turn my phone off more. I want to continue my lack of caffeine streak, opting to only have caffeine here and there when I really want or need it. I want to continue reading more. I want to journal more with pen and paper. I want to continue helping my body heal from some injuries and my soul heal from some losses. I want to think of life across decades and not get swept away in the day to day. I want to continue to not wait for life to create memories but to create my own.

My phone is off and tonight I’ll test my new alarm clock to wake up for a ride with Kelly around Mercer Island. Afterwards, I’ll have a zoom call with some Chronic Comrades, pick my partner up at the airport, and hang with a local pal who is kindly cooking me dinner before we venture out to listen to some live music down the block. I can’t believe I get two more months of this. I’m not going to bother with more tech to upload photos but here are just a few: