For a fuller view of my writing beyond my recent posts, dive in below and peruse as much or as little as you’d like. I write about a wide range of topics from WordPress to Surrogacy to Photography to Mental Health. Don’t follow me if you want to only hear about a certain topic as I write based on what comes up for me in that moment of time. As always, thanks for reading.
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How to scope out the perfect pick up soccer game
As a 20 something year old woman, I have found myself post college in city after city scoping out pick up soccer games where I’m the only woman there. I’d say it comes with the territory of pick up but WHERE ARE MY FEMALE SOCCER PLAYERS AT?! I’m looking for you all. In the meantime, I offer you a guide for scoping out pick up when you are looking at a field of all guys. Before stepping on the pitch, here are a few questions you should ask yourself: Is there a man over the age of 35-40? If yes,…
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Gravitate towards what others avoid
Do you want to stand out from others? Do you want to impress those around you? Do you want to have your name come to mind for projects, events, etc.? I have two tips: If you say you are going to do something, do it. Do needed work others don’t want to do and do it extremely well. Seem simple? It is but so many fail at doing these two things. They say they are going to do something and then never do. They only take on shiny tasks while they let very needed work sit and rot waiting for others…
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Heartbreak Manual
Rule #1 of the heartbreak manual: There is no manual for dealing with heartbreak. Sorry to disappoint. What I can offer you is some practical advice and some tools to reframe your thoughts. That’s as close to a “manual” as I can get. It’s what helped me and, since I work for a company that champions open source, I figured why not share. If this is an overwhelming amount of information, no worries – you’re heartbroken after all so take your time. Leave it open in your tab and come back to it when you can 🙂 You exist before…
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Drought
I graduated college in 3 years with 2 of those years involving nearly 30-40 hours of real work on top of my school work. It wasn’t a 5 days/week commitment – it was 7 days of grinding. I credit this grind to both being why I am successful in my time management today and to why I got mono for the second time my senior year – win some, you lose some? Something like that 😉 I was reflecting with a friend this past weekend who uses the saying of “You can’t pour from an empty vessel” when talking about how…
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Minimalism is hard
I am a “practicing minimalist” if that’s even a “thing”. All of this is to say, I’m very mindful of what I own and try to limit the items in my possession. Today, I took off work and part of what I wanted to do was to go through all of my items to figure out what I could donate and throw away. This mainly meant going through my books to gather ones I’ve read and am ready to part with as I have a 1 item in and 1 item out policy (if I buy a new item of…
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Big yes
I have a fantastic problem – I am finding it increasingly hard to figure out what to say “no” to. How do you prioritize when there’s impact to be made all around you? Any system I attempt to come up with feels so artificial and selfish. This is when “it’s a marathon not a sprint” mentality comes to mind – I may not be able to do that today but I’ll tuck it away for the future. I used to use Wunderlist to help track all of the many things I said “yes” to until, for some reason I cannot recall,…
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Purposefully chosen
I spend a lot of time in airports (like I am now). Sometimes I’ll wander along in the terminal staring at the different locations folks are headed wondering to myself: Who is going home? Who is escaping? What would it be like to go there? Would I like it? What would I do when I arrive? What if I just went? Sometimes, during layovers, I toy with the idea of just staying. What would I do? Who would I be? I think one day I’ll do just that – walk right out of the airport and let 6 months unfold before…
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the difference
There’s a really thin line in my relationship with anxiety between enabling myself and in prioritizing self care. I don’t quite know how to handle it or what the difference is. It reminds me of how my mom must have felt when I was in 4th or 5th grade dealing with undiagnosed mono for eternity – do I let her sleep in and skip her first period or do I drag her out of bad and force her to go? The mono was undiagnosed so it was hard to tell what to do: do I enable or do I teach…
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For a change
I was on the phone with a friend recently when she was lamenting the fact that one of her ex’s instagram story kept accidentally popping up when she was watching other people’s stories. “UGH it pains me because I know they can see I was looking too when I didn’t even want to see it in the first place.” She didn’t know you could mute people! I had stumbled upon muting people accidentally myself after getting frustrated in particular with that one person who adds to their story all day everyday. So many of us deal with what tech gives us “out of…
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a massive exception
I’ve had some really bad anxiety days. Days where I’ve dragged myself to class only to fall asleep in every single one barely keeping afloat because I haven’t slept the night before. Days where I’ve been so anxious that someone closing a door too loudly causes me to panic and want to immediately leave whatever situation I’m in. I’ve randomly walked off of soccer pitches sobbing and slowly sitting on my team’s bench without even being truly subbed off. Usually for me the anxiety I feel heightens around a day or a couple of hour period of panic before it tapers…
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Knowledge is anxiety
I signed up for 23andme a while back and have loved it thus far likely because there hasn’t been any glaring news or flashing reports saying “you will die tomorrow”. This is good news. I’m lucky in that I have very good “genes”. Just over a year ago, I found out from my birthmom that she has macular degeneration (see this post about surrogacy for more info – too complicated to get into heh). It was a heads up for me to be aware as – you know – we share genes and blah blah biology. I knew what macular…
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Actions anyone can take to help diversity & inclusion
I got involved in Diversity and Inclusion work at Automattic in three very simple ways that didn’t involve me having any special skill, role, level of experience, or years at the company. For folks who might want to get involved but don’t know how, I think you’ll find these three ways to be the building blocks to further involvement: Ask questions. We have townhalls at Automattic where we can ask Matt, the CEO, anything. Seriously – anything. My first question was whether we could add language to the creed specifically highlighting the importance of diversity and inclusion. These kinds of…
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On being needed
At Automattic, I’m a team lead in charge of wrangling cats other Humans. I’m naturally a “fixer” and “doer” so this role isn’t completely outside my comfort zone. Recently, I crossed the 2 years of being a team lead and it’s created a strange crisis of “what do I want to do now?”. Fair warning: I haven’t figured this out in the slightest and this post doesn’t get me any closer 🙂 It’s not meant to though so don’t worry. I don’t want to be needed or necessary for a person, a project, a team, a division, etc. to succeed. Perhaps…
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Holes in shoes
I almost have a hole in my shoe. It’s not quite there yet but I’m nearing the due date for my nearly yearly samba replacement pair. I wait to buy another pair even as the shoe wears thin. I like the feeling of really worn out shoes — as if in some way this tangible and irrelevant part of your life is in some way connected to the very real things you’ve been through in them. As if they remember stumbling through the streets of Paris at 2am laughing loudly or standing for 80 minutes straight to watch the women’s rugby world…
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Automattic: 3 Year Anniversary
What I listened to while writing. Just prior to this, I was scrolling through Automattic‘s Bridge team’s updates (think of our bridge team as you would a formal C level team). I like to end my day in randomness if I can. There’s so much to learn at Automattic and so much information being generated day to day that it’s hard not to want to take in at least some of the flood of information. I open new tabs just for our internal content like most folks do when scrolling through the news – “Oohh – that looks interesting. What is that…
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Best Job Advice I’ve Ever Received
I think by the end of my job search in San Francisco, I had applied to over 90 jobs. That pattern seems to match though – I applied to 18 schools when applying for college. During the Great Panic of 2014 (my new affectionate name for one of the most stressful times of my life), I somehow either stumbled upon this advice OR magically came up with it myself as I likely ran out of places to apply to 😉 Start to take note of items you use regularly (whether physical or digital), events you go to, and generally what…
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Remote =! Lazy or Easy
When I tell people about my job at Automattic working wherever I want, people begin riffing about how much easier life would be with a remote job. It starts innocuous enough: “I could go to the gym whenever I wanted! I could sleep in!”. Fairly quickly though, the conversation goes down a path of working less hours, sitting on a beach, sleeping all day… It frustrates me to no end. I work my ass off and there are huge challenges to working effectively as a remote employee. My job is not easy. I am not lazy. I don’t just drop…
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Saying yes – three years later
This time 3 years ago, I accepted a job at Automattic and nervously prepared to tell my current employer I was leaving their super shiny San Francisco start up after joining on as employee #16. Currently, I’m sitting in the Copenhagen airport on the way to Orlando (where I’m from) after spending 2 weeks in Europe to watch the Women’s Rugby World Cup. If you had told me 3 years ago that I would be here and living the way I do, I wouldn’t believe you in the slightest. A lot has changed since then for me and in many…
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It really hits
“Once in a while it really hits people that they don’t have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.” ― Alan Keightley I’ve never wanted a tattoo but I imagine if I did it I would feel the way I do about this quote. It’s been rumbling in me these last few days and I can’t put my finger on why. There’s something forceful about it. It leaves me with this image of folks suddenly coming up for air and breathing in this realization only to soon forget it once more in the tide of “you…
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Dear caffeine
I didn’t think I could live without you. You were my routine. You were my comfort zone. I trusted you to help me be social when I just wanted to hermit and hide. You calmed my nervous hands. You steadied my mind. You kept me up late. You woke me up early. Over the years, I learned to love you in all your forms. It’s been 7 days without you. The first 3 days, I spent in an utter daze. I would read and re-read and re-re-read until I could try to get some sort of meaning from the words…
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Standing in another’s digital shoes
While sitting in a coffee shop trying to read this AM, I found myself texting Chris. Chris is the embodiment of eclectic and readily accepts any brain dumps I seem to offer him from time to time with grace, humor, and wit. As we were rapid fire texting messaging today, two ideas I’ve been mulling about came up. I’m sharing them here mainly because I want someone to build both of them and – who knows – maybe plastering this on the internet will cause something to happen 😉 Stand in Someone Else’s Digital Shoes This idea is pretty simple: give…
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Left a mark
I was clearing out browser tabs this morning trying to declutter my digital life after making a small effort to clear up my physical one when I stumbled upon this article I had open. I nearly closed it outright but after a quick scroll up & down the page decided it was short enough to read without too much effort. I’m glad I did – I hope you take the same time to read it. If not, an excerpt: Shortly after starting my new role, I went back to my therapist and told her: “It’s been a year since we…
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Practical Diversity & Inclusion
Over my three years at Automattic, I’ve worked a great deal on diversity and inclusion. I recently decided to take a step back and, upon reflecting, I wanted to share one of the biggest lessons I learned: often folks will jump to help with seemingly insolvable problems but their minds go blank once the magic words “diversity” and “inclusion” are thrown into the mix. There’s load of research that shows when we feel our world view being attacked, we close up thanks to the good ol’ amygdala (funny comic on this). We also seem to have oversaturated the tech world…
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Two dimensions of writing
I was chatting with someone over the weekend at San Diego Pride when I realized an interesting habit I have that might influence the way I perceive the world. We were talking about using writing as a way to process vs as a way to preserve memories. It’s a favorite topic of mine so apologies are extended to those who have suffered through my ranting. While I was thinking out loud, it dawned on me to ask: “Do you write in the mornings or in the evenings? “Mornings.” “Do you write about the day ahead or the day before?” “Usually the…
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Sense of sacredness
This past weekend, I went to Santa Barbara for the first time to reunite with one of my rugby teammates, Katie. We hadn’t seen each other in over two years yet have managed to keep in touch via thesis length text messages randomly. She’s actually one of my my rugby “littles” (we call them “newbies”) so I feel an extra sense of protection and pride over her. There’s something unbeatable about both catching up with someone you love with all the time in the world and exploring a brand new city. Rather than cutting short stories, we let them unravel…
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Frozen fragments
We are the swiping generation. We put people in boxes but we just call them phones now. We ask for data points rather than stories. We ask for facts rather than feelings. We demand people define themselves over and over and over when we all know 140 characters can’t fit even a fragment of ourselves. Good thing there’s no limit to the amount of tweets we can send out into the world. We are high on dopamine spikes from likes, comments, views. We consume all day the highlight reels of life after life to the point that we feel an…
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Somehow
It’s officially been a year since I moved to San Diego. I moved here with a backpack worth of stuff, a vague idea of why I was doing what I was doing, and barely any energy to think too much about any of it. I was at my end and I had decided this place would be my new beginning. I landed in San Diego after spending a month house sitting in Denver. The end of my time in Denver was also the end of any concrete plans I had in mind. I had no where else to go. No…
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Beautiful things & happy moments
I love this image, the idea, the quote – all of it. As a contact wearer since the 4th grade, it resonated deeply since I first saw it years ago and has made me pause to this day each time I have to replace my contacts. It’s almost like I have a moment of silent happiness as I throw them away thinking of all they have seen. Watching the sunset at the Grand Canyon with my mom. Laughing and dancing with friends (old and new) as the lights flashed and music blared at a bar in Paris at 3am. Watching as…
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Precious correspondence
In 2003, I was featured in a newsletter for an organization called El Hogar. I barely remember it. I do vividly remember someone coming to talk to the church about El Hogar and being captured by the stories. I like to act especially in times when it’s obvious help is needed. It seems I had this trait at an early age: For a moment, let’s put aside the fact that I was that kid that was somewhat used by the church for propaganda of sorts aka “If this little 4th grader can do it, what’s stopping you?”. The only reason I’m sharing…
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A broom
“Once in a while it really hits people that they don’t have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.” -Alan Keightley I spoke with someone about minimalism a couple of months ago. We were so on the same page about how much of a hassle too much stuff is, how little you really need, etc. We walked back to their place and upon entering they exclaimed, “Yup! This is all the stuff I have!”. I looked around floored at just how much they had confused at how they interpreted this as minimalism. I had to…
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