For a fuller view of my writing beyond my recent posts, dive in below and peruse as much or as little as you’d like. I write about a wide range of topics from WordPress to Surrogacy to Photography to Mental Health. Don’t follow me if you want to only hear about a certain topic as I write based on what comes up for me in that moment of time. As always, thanks for reading.
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bury her in letters
What do you think a person wants to hear when they are dying? We are all dying of course. I’m speaking of those clinging to death—those who can taste it and eat it and swallow it whole. Those who have a five course meal of death. Death with a side of death with (surprise) death sprinkled on top. Tell me when to stop? Endless amount of death. As much death as they want. All you can eat death. What do they want to hear? I doubt something new—would it just remind them of everything they’ll never know? Perhaps that’s a great…
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Leveling up YouTube videos with WordPress design tools
Over the last year or so, I’ve begun tinkering with sharing YouTube videos. I don’t fancy myself a YouTuber by any means but I have found that it’s an easier medium for me to share information than doing presentations. My introverted, anxious self loathes presentations but I find myself really getting into a flow state with YouTube videos. My setup is very low maintenance: I use zoom to record, airpods for audio, Google Slides designed by a colleague, iMovie to edit, and either use my own photos/a free library/take screenshots. Over time, I’ve been trying small ways to level up…
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29
I started writing this on March 5th, the day before my birthday, but paused — Do I write these posts on my birthday or just before? I couldn’t remember. Turns out I write them on my birthday but, forget tradition, I decided to have my words show up early. It feels fitting for this year, my not remembering details like this yet still trying to show up in the world. How do these posts go again? I’m not sure either and I’m enjoying forcing myself to write without knowing what tone and approach the prior ones took. I don’t need…
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mental marker
In middle school, three hurricanes passed through Florida in the span of a few weeks. One lingered all day — 14 hours — and I sat on the phone with a friend for the entirety of it. We watched movies, we napped, we ate meals, we talked, we breathed on the phone in silence interspersed by giggles, we asked repeatedly if the other person was still there. It was glorious and made the entire experience feel like some sort of grand adventure. We watched the wind and rain and sky regularly asking, “did you see that too?” when suddenly the…
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report back
Some scenes remind me how fleeting and impossible to capture most things are. Sometimes I don’t even bother to lift my camera deciding to soak it in instead and other times I take nearly the same photo ten times in a row. I love that we still try to report back to each other. I’ve spent many days relishing in a stranger’s joy, like the perfect photo of their adorable pet. Yesterday’s adventure to the Oregon coast proved to be filled with those sorts of moments, from a toddler running into the ocean with a parent close behind to a…
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other third thing
I read an article titled “It’s Your Friends Who Break Your Heart” on the recommendation of a friend. It hit on so many things I think too much about. As I read it, I found myself sending it off to more friends, including some who might be in a state of slow fading out of my life. Over the years, I’ve become fairly explicit with friends. I want the folks I love most to not only know it deeply, but also never doubt it. I will never understand why we preserve certain ways of checking in, resolving conflict, and re-learning…
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close to the ground
I felt today hour by hour — nearly minute by minute. I was present in a way I’m both not most days but aim to be. Horrible feelings seem to force you to do that. They ground you in them and we try all sorts of things to wrestle free. I spent nearly half an hour simply putting on my shoes and jacket only to take them off shortly after upon being unable to decide what it is I should do, repeating the process a few times until a friend called and I had enough momentum to hurl myself into…
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carried
Three people waved and said “good morning!” to me on the way to and from the coffee shop. I’ve only been here about two weeks but I don’t think I’ve ever even seen three people during my morning routine. Some part of me felt like they knew I needed the wave, smile, and introduction to the day. It felt like a moment from The Truman Show with everyone catching my eye and hitting their mark perfectly. I didn’t fall asleep until (I’m guessing) around 5 am last night. It was as if my body reached a breaking point and once…
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So you want to talk about FSE? 5.9 Edition
All the resources you need to speak about full site editing ahead of and after the WordPress 5.9 release.
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as life gets
The other day I thought to myself “maybe this is as good as life gets”. I laughed while I skipped along today’s trail thinking back to that moment not realizing what was in store for me just a few days later.
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live in the ashes
I should have known The Wild Edge of Sorrow would resonate so much. It might be why I delayed reading it these last few months, like saving a nice bottle of wine for a special occasion. I think a part of me knew it would hit differently if I read it while I’m hanging out in Oregon with a return to a more isolated existence over the “be there in 5” I had for the last 6 months in various parts of North Carolina. I’ve had a rush of memories and moments of looking back on my life since arriving…
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puzzle to solve
I ran to a park today jogging the 1.7 miles there slowly but steadily. I jaywalked more than I should have but looked both ways as I did, laughing when I realized a few times I was crossing one way streets. I lost track of the sets of pull-ups I did before heading back the way I came. Two weeks ago, I was playing soccer by myself and doing body weight exercises at a park in Florida. About a week ago, I was busting out a workout in my friend’s home gym, enjoying the feel of heavy weights in my…
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Rebuilding
Some years are for rebuilding–that’s what I’ve always heard coaches say. This last year epitomized that sentiment. I rebuilt my life starting from the ground up like so many others starting with the basics, like being in the same room with people again. I grew used to hugging people after spending over a year without physical contact beyond some trees I’d grip tightly. I went from complete isolation in the first half of the year to meeting all of my half siblings from my birth mom’s family in the latter half. There was little time to ease in and a…
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Let’s chat about WordPress 6.0
I know, I know. WordPress 5.9 isn’t even out the door yet (coming to a site near you on January 25, 2022) but I’m already so excited for 6.0 thanks to the foundation 5.8 and 5.9 are bringing to the WordPress world for full site editing features. It’s wild to think about what will be possible with some big pieces out in the open, like the site editor, block themes, the Styles system, various design tools, and more. Since I’ve only had the Developer Relations job during a pandemic (started in April 2020), I decided to spin up a zoom…
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Thoughts on “Where the despairing log on”
Content warning: This post discusses suicide and a forum about suicide.
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mental trail
I’m off work this week which means there’s space for some new thoughts to enter my brain. I don’t have the capacity nor do I want to spend the energy meticulously documenting each and every one but I do want to leave a mental trail for my future self to return to them. I have a feeling though that these realizations are more like a map to glance at from time to time than a book to study. On grief I’m grieving yet no one has died. I’m grieving people who are still here who I have the joyous chance…
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dwindling
The days are dwindling down in WNC. As time shrinks, my gratitude grows. On my toughest days, I hope I can look back on this time as a shining example of never knowing what or who is around the corner.
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Why I voted to delay WordPress 5.9
Thoughts on why I voted to delay WordPress 5.9.
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best effort
For the last five days, I’ve hardly had the energy to leave the bed (or the tub where I’ve spent hours), let alone the airbnb I’m staying in. I keep thinking about how lucky I am that I picked such a great spot to fall apart. There’s an adorable reading nook that I’d sleep in if I could, looking out at the gorgeous view. At times, I’ve hardly been able to look at a screen or listen to any audio. I sat in silence staring at the ceiling or with my eyes closed. I fully fell asleep for a few…
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Collapse
Where can I collapse?I must pick a place soon. I don’t have much time. It can’t be too comfortable.I’ll never leave if so. I don’t want to stay forever. It can’t be too harsh.I’ll come to accept it. I don’t want to leave here too soon. The search for such a placekeeps me herefor longer than i can fathom. Is this the spot?How will I know?Does it even matter?
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Illuminating an exciting moment in time
I shared a version of this within Automattic, the company I work, and a colleague suggested that this would be helpful to have in the wider WordPress conversations so I thought I’d share here! This post won’t cover everything despite my best efforts but it will cover, at a high level, the basics of the context of this specific release, where we are (loosely) in the story of Gutenberg, and what opportunity each feature provides. It’ll start at the highest level before stepping progressively into more details. I’ve always loved having a sense of where I am in a moment in time,…
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sleeplessness and all
I went camping last week at my childhood friend’s childhood camp. Another camp friend of hers joined and together they sang songs, reminisced, shared infuriating riddles over camp fires, and guided us around. I loathed every camp I ever went to (there aren’t many) but felt as though I could have replayed this night endlessly, sleeplessness and all. I felt like I was being let in on a big secret sharing this sacred space with them. Afterwards, I texted: “Keep thinking about this quote and how much I felt this way while creating a makeshift home in a place that…
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extra pets
I made some new furry friends this past weekend and wanted you to meet them too. Don’t worry, I already gave them extra pets on your behalf.
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Sharing Approaches for FSE Feature Adoption
While conversation continues around the WordPress’ full site editing project and the collection of features it brings, I’m increasingly getting questions around adoption. When should we adopt features? Do we have to adopt features? What would be easiest to start with if I’m not ready to leap fully into the block theme world? This post is meant to start to address how one might think about approaching adoption with increasing levels of complexity and maturity partially inspired by this awesome post from Gutenberg Times and a recent hallway hangout on adopting FSE. Right now, the levels are based on a…
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losing track
How is it possible that I can repeatedly capture so much beauty, love, and joy yet still somehow lose track of each of them all the same? Sometimes I scroll through my phone’s photos and can hardly believe the memories crammed within all the 1s and 0s. When did this become my life? How many photos do I have to take before I stop losing track? Or is it necessary and good to be forced to seek out and re-remember that “ah yes, this life can be so good” (perhaps this seeking out reinforces the mental pathway)? What a gift…
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so badly
“Please, I want so badly for the good things to happen.” — Sylvia Plath
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Automattic: 7 Year Anniversary
To say I feel lucky to still work at Automattic is a vast understatement. To stay I miss my co-workers feels the same. In the dim, horrifying, mind numbing, and surreal days of the last year, working at Automattic was a gift. It felt like the library on my college campus that I could retreat to in order to do great work, solve hard problems, and think about difficult things surrounded by lovely people trying to do the same in whatever state we each were in. Some days I nearly crawled in wearing my pajamas from the last few nights…
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To those who aren’t very attached to life
This is somewhat a part II of a post I wrote a few years ago (five years ago?! what is time?!) titled, “To those who feel like a burden”. Considering the last year both busted open the flood gates of mental health crises and gave an easy “excuse” to talk about mental health, it felt like the right time to revisit and share some well tested coping mechanisms. Don’t let the fact that I have a somewhat lengthy list fool you into thinking that I’m not constantly in search and need of more — please share what works for you.…
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Odd thing to hope
This might be an odd thing to hope for another person but I hope you find a song soon that you can’t stop listening to that makes you feel a ton. A song you’re glad you stuck around to hear, you know? I sent the above in a text to a friend recently but realized I offer this same hope to everyone. Find your songs, dance to them, feel everything, listen on repeat, and tell me about them. I’d love to jam to them from afar with you and get a taste of what makes your soul come alive.
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empty road
After searching for a few weeks, I finally found a group that aligned with my values locally in Salt Lake City that would take my few items of furniture as a donation. The two men arrived this morning, smiling and extremely sturdy. Sometimes I delude myself into thinking that I’m strong until I watch a grown man casually pick up my desk like a lego. My true crime riddled brain quickly noted that I’d have no chance against these two. For the last few days, I’ve been staring longingly at my desk, chair, and bed. It’s the first real desk…
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