For a fuller view of my writing beyond my recent posts, dive in below and peruse as much or as little as you’d like. I write about a wide range of topics from WordPress to Surrogacy to Photography to Mental Health. Don’t follow me if you want to only hear about a certain topic as I write based on what comes up for me in that moment of time. As always, thanks for reading.
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Who I Am Becoming
âI have hope in who I am becoming. I have belief in every scar and disgraceful word I have ever spoken or been told because it is still teaching me and I have hope in who I am becoming. They say it takes 756 days to run to someone you love and they also say that the only romance worth fighting for is the one with yourself and I know by now that they say a lot of things, people talking everywhere without saying a word, but if it took me all those years to learn myself or teach myself…
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Information Glut
On a recommendation by Scott Berkun, I’m reading Technopoly by Neil Postman. Published in 1992, truths about today’s world seep throughout this book. I’m only 70 pages in but I’m hooked and loving the way my mind is being stretched. What follows are quotes + reflections + lots of rambling: “He means to say that those who cultivate competence in the use of a new technology become an elite group that are granted undeserved authority and prestige by those who have no such competence… We have a similar situation in the development and spread of computer technology, for here too there are…
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The “Free Year”
My sophomore year of college, I was faced with transferring from UNC to UF simply due to the financial burden of going to school out of state. I was heartbroken – I had fallen in love with UNC and the people whose paths mine had crossed with. I spent months agonizing over this move even spending spring break that year visiting UF to see how it might feel to go to school there. I knew no matter where I ended up that I would be okay and make it work but it still felt like being ripped away from someone you love…
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Conceptualizing Time
Working remotely has made time an odd concept especially as I traverse time zones constantly. I’ve come to just view my calendar as my guide and to roll with my surroundings otherwise. When you change timezones for the first time you realize how fickle time is. You realize how arbitrary this concept is that we hold so dear – that we mark important moments with (anniversaries, birthdays, competitions, etc.). We value friendships that last over the years because seemingly more time makes something more valuable. We question when after a short time, we come to love someone. It hasn’t stood the test of…
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Museums of the Future
After going to countless museums in the last month, Iâm curious to see how future people document us with our digital lives encompassing massive amounts of data and spread out over so many different platforms. As I’ve reflected upon before, thanks to technology we have a reach now formerly reserved to only those in the highest positions: “We can produce more effects in more than one place a time, each of us now having the global reach formerly reserved for kings, presidents, and movie stars” (page 72 from Present Shock). We don’t even fully know what to keep and what to…
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Celts
Today, my mom and I visited the Museum of Scotland for an incredible visit to their gallery on Celts. If you are ever in the area, I highly recommend it. I don’t know how to put into words how amazing this gallery was – I would go through it again in heartbeat tomorrow. Part of the exhibit showed these war horns called carnyx which were used in battle. To help bring the exhibit to life, they had recordings of this professional musician playing them. I was hooked the second the video started.  I feel bad for the people who were waiting their turn…
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just tunes and lyrics
No words from me today – just tunes and lyrics on a nasty day. Maybe I’ll forget and maybe I won’t I’m stuck in the moment And so far from home Cause loving nobody It’s breaking my heart But you’ll never know this Wherever you are Well maybe I don’t give up easily But I know this is hard to see But I wish time would slow down So I could keep your heart around And now that you’re on someone else’s shoulders The winter winds are colder on my own Maybe we will meet when we get older Maybe…
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Watch your (irrational) thoughts
âWatch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.â I’m convinced irrational thoughts are simply a part of living. Whether I realize it or not, I confront irrational thoughts every single day. Some are seemingly innocuous in that in the specific moment I think them, they don’t negatively affect me. Over time though, they build up to create irrational actions that actually seem rational in the moment since you never caught that the thoughts you were having were…
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How do the Norwegians feed their sick children?
I’ve taken my mom on a European adventure and I’m so glad I did. After coming down with food poisoning the second day here, she nursed me back to health. She sent this email out to her friends soon after and it just made me laugh so I had to share: Dear All, My Anne and I are in Oslo and last night she came down with a stomach bug. So today I have been “Nurse Judith.” I went to the grocery store to get the usual BRAT ingredients. Saltines? Never heard of them. Soda crackers? Them either. What about…
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Day in the Life of a Nomad Happiness Engineer Pt 2
I work at Automattic, the parent company of WordPress.com and all that jazz, as a Happiness Engineer and a team lead. My team is in charge of creating happiness for our Premium users – Polldaddy, VaultPress, Akismet, and Jetpack. Here’s a glimpse into what my day looked look on the road: Current location:Â Oslo, Norway. Why? Why not đ I’ve never been and I’m 25% Norwegian which makes up the most of my genetic makeup believe it or not. Plus, my team has a meetup in Dublin soon and I decided it was a good enough excuse to take my mom…
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Throw back
I was texting a friend of about life, love, suffering, blah blah. I just recently reactivated my Facebook and noticed this funny throwback feature in the midst of texting her. I used to love timehop back in the day for the exact reason that it was always a curious exercise to look back. All that said, I don’t think it’s an exercise that should be done too often. Now that it’s incorporated into Facebook, I’m curious how it’s affecting folks. For me, it made me look back and miss things irrationally. In today’s throw back, I couldn’t believe how similar…
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A fantastic lottery
I finished two books this week which, accidentally, were perfect companions to read together. One fiction. One nonfiction. Both about existence and non existence. Sum by David Eagleman & Why Does the World Exist? by Jim Holt. Sum is a piece of fiction which, through short stories, helped me imagine an afterlife beyond just what my previously Christian background taught me. Rather than imagining an all powerful “God”, imagine an insecure creator whose creation has grown beyond their control. Imagine an afterlife where you wake up and you find out you were just data collectors for another species – like some sort of advanced…
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22 & 23
“My 21st year was about hitting big milestones: graduating, getting a job, moving. This year is about making sure these big changes fit appropriately in my life and that I build upon them rather than stagnating. Graduating doesnât mean I stop learning. Getting a job doesnât mean I stop pushing myself to be better. Moving to a new place doesnât mean I stop traveling. Beyond all of this, Iâm excited to see where those I love go in life. Life isnât something that you do alone and Iâm lucky to know some incredible people that make my life well worth…
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You would just love this
I used to beat myself up for being somewhere and seeing loved ones in my surroundings. It felt like being plagued – shouldn’t I just go somewhere completely new and not bring my own personal baggage with me?! Isn’t that the whole point of traveling alone?! “She would love that coffee shop.” “He would totally want to spend hours at this park.” “She would want me to take a thousand pictures of her at this mural.” “He would find that birthday card hilarious.” “We would sit here and talk for hours.” There’s this ideal of going to a new place and having new…
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Choose your own adventure
This time last week I was in Austin with one of my best friends exploring the city. Yesterday I woke up in San Francisco in the Castro district to get coffee with a friend from UNC followed by brunch at a previous coworker’s house. A month ago I was preparing for my cousin’s wedding in Orlando, Florida. Today, I find myself in Seattle wandering around trying to find coffee. Up until this point in my life I’ve always had somewhere to be. A place where I was either required to be or a place where social obligations made it so.…
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Keep this feeling
Sunshine, sunshine, it’s fine I feel it in my skin, warming up my mind Sometimes you gotta give in to win I love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine If I could I would keep this feeling in a plastic jar Bust it out whenever someone’s actin’ hard I was sitting in Zilker Park on top of the giant rock structure in the middle of the park. I was there with one of my best friends watching the sunset and petting the dogs that seemed to always be roaming by. The skyline was stunning and I was surrounded by people…
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I know the sound of your heart
I don’t know how I found this song but it’s just my jam right now. Start the morning playing this with my headphones on. dancing to myself. throw open the fridge door. snag a couple of eggs and start cooking. “Well I know when you’re around cause I know the sound I know the sound, of your heart” & all of a sudden I’m singing quietly to myself and have a giant smile on my face. Best part? It’s only 8am.
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Redefining “home”
Since I started nomading last May, I quickly realized my definition of home drastically needed to change in order to adjust to the constant change in scenery. There was no longer the option or feeling of “coming back to your own bed” after weeks of travel. Instead I’ve found myself living in hotel rooms, friend’s couches/beds, and other people’s homes thanks to airbnb. Nothing is my own except what I bring on my back which isn’t much to begin with. My travel items basically consist of everything I can fit in my custom built Automattic Timbuk2 bag and a small tote bag…
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Barriers
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi This quote challenged me today so, of course, I had to share it. I truly believe love is everywhere and, like the quote says, it is us who create the barriers that prevent it from flourishing. It’s so easy to put up barriers to love and to the people who we base our love on. It’s almost too easy especially as you inevitably are hurt, let down, etc. This quote points that out perfectly and simply. I…
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Back to the basics
Don’t worry this post isn’t about me going paleo or joining a movement community that only believes in crawling on the ground at all times. I played touch rugby this morning for a wonderful hour and a half. I haven’t touched a rugby ball (get it) in a long time and went to play concerned that I would make an absolutely fool of myself. As with every co-ed sport, I was one of two girls there and immediately knew I needed to prove myself quickly if I wanted to be included in any plays. As many coaches have repeatedly told me…
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Constants
I called one of my constants today. Constant == someone who is always there in my life. I strive to be constants for other people – you know – that person you can call at 4AM. I’m lucky to have those in my life. I’m visiting Austin, TX right now and, after having one too many conversations with strangers, I realized I just needed to hear someone’s voice who knew me. This person has known me since I was 10 and has seen me through, well, most of my truly lived life. The best thing about maintaining these kinds of friendships is…
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{fill in the blank}
1PM hit today and I hadn’t been outside or eaten lunch yet. I was on a roll though and was already mentally pushing back any sort of balance in my life in favor of getting more done. Do you ever have those days where you do one part of your life really well? For example, today as of 1PM I was an excellent employee and hermit but a terrible athlete and general person (depends on whether you view hermithood as a good or bad thing). I had emails piled up from a non profit I volunteer with along with emails from my own parents.…
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Double down on vulnerability
“Itâs at this point that people in the midst of difficulty begin to feel a call. They are not masters of the situation, but neither are they helpless. They canât determine the course of their pain, but they can participate in responding to it. They often feel an overwhelming moral responsibility to respond well to it. People who seek this proper rejoinder to ordeal sense that they are at a deeper level than the level of happiness and individual utility. They donât say, âWell, Iâm feeling a lot of pain over the loss of my child. I should try to…
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Some of us forever
âWe travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls.â â AnaĂŻs Nin
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Like a radio
âPeople are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but thatâs bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if theyâre afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But theyâre wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. Itâs all in how you carry it. Thatâs what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a…
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The upside
I’ve been trying to think of clever ways to reframe me being heartbroken. I was slouched in bed watching Pride & Prejudice rejoicing over the fact that I could when I realized the following: I can choose who I want to love without being used as a family bargaining chip for more land, cattle, etc. I can choose to love someone of the same sex openly in the United States and it is (mostly) okay* This is a great thing! This is momentous! Why? Because I can be openly heartbroken over someone of the same sex. How amazingly dreadful! Just the fact…
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There are no such easy answers
As Todorov notes, memory is not the opposite of oblivion. Rather, it is the result of a complex interaction between effacement (or forgetfulness) and conservation – two forces that constantly pull our minds in different directions. Thus, memory is unthinkable without selection; when we “remember” an event, it means that we conserve only some of its traits, while setting aside many others. Some of this we do immediately, some of it over time and not very consciously. Thus, notes Todorov, “it is baffling that the ability computers have to save information is termed memory, since they lack the basic feature…
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Reach out
“Who would you have dinner with if you could have dinner with anyone in the world?” I’ve been asked this before and I typically answer with dead people – Viktor Frankl, Emile Durkheim, etc. It was a sad reality when the people I so wanted to get to know were long gone. Today I reached out to two people whose brains I want to pick. One was an author and professor of a recent book I read and LOVED. The other was a clinical psychologist who helped my parents through surrogacy and who continues to conduct research on surrogacy. Why? I reached…
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Before and after moments
One of the big questions I get asked when I tell people I was a surrogate baby has to do with “when did you know?!”. Most people are expecting this giant before and after moment where one day I was just an innocent little kid and the next day IÂ knew. I never had that. I’ve always known and my parents made sure to tell me more and more over time. Graduating from school, moving, dating, breaking up, death – all of these are before and after moments. I can remember what it felt like to have my grandfather in my…
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Childhood tunes
Believe it or not, one of the first CDs I got as a kid was Maroon 5’s “Songs About Jane”. Angsty. Alternative. Songs you could jam and cry to. Today, I had this overwhelming urge to rock some old Maroon 5 (back when they weren’t cool). To this day, I still love this version of Maroon 5 way more than any of their new music.  Because my emotions were less complex than they are now… Here’s what my memories are of these songs: Happy In darkness, she is all I see Come and rest your bones with me Driving slow on…
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