For a fuller view of my writing beyond my recent posts, dive in below and peruse as much or as little as you’d like. I write about a wide range of topics from WordPress to Surrogacy to Photography to Mental Health. Don’t follow me if you want to only hear about a certain topic as I write based on what comes up for me in that moment of time. As always, thanks for reading.
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Actress Roundtable
Despite this really terrible YouTube still image, this roundtable conversation that I stumbled upon on the way down the rabbit hole that is the internet is absolutely fabulous. I love listening to these women talking about similar issues we talk about in tech. I don’t even want to say too much because I really think it’s so worth watching (and that means a lot coming from someone who knows nothing about celebrities and hardly pays any attention). We only have one life to live – it’s always fascinating to hear how someone else lives theirs all while we float together around on this…
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A rare gift
“In this world of numbness and information overload, the ability to feel, my boy, is a rare gift indeed.” ― Patrick Ness If you know me, it’s no surprise I am an incredibly intense person. I’ve spent most of my life trying to “manage” (for lack of a better term) it all but it inevitably spills out all around me. “Anne – stop asking them so many questions.” “It’s just a game, Anne.” “You can just take care of it tomorrow – stop working on it.” “It’s not that big of a deal, Anne.” People have looked down on my intensity…
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never invite me to trivia
“Um – what’s the date where after it’s not okay to wear white or something?” I had to call my mom and ask her about this recently. I’m horrible with remembering things like this. On this note, never invite me to play trivia – I don’t remember major dates of big political events, anything about celebrities, what band played which song, or what president did what. Sometimes I have moments where I forget how many ounces there are in a cup or which day light savings time moves us forward. Don’t get me started on timezones – I’ll never get…
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My own little rebellion
It was nearing 1am and I had a flight to catch at 7am. After sharing a few drinks and swapping stories with a friend in Orlando, I was headed home happy, exhausted, and overwhelmed. I still hadn’t packed and my to-do list was longer than I wanted it to be (when is it ever shorter?). As I pulled closer to my parent’s house, one of my new favorite songs came on the radio. Rather than turn in and head home, I turned the wheel away from my house and turned the music up. I spent the next 4 minutes jamming through my…
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Coming out of the deep end
“Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you can not bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.” ― Kahlil Gibran I was making breakfast this past week when all of a sudden I realized I was too… okay. I was too normal. I was too, dare I say, happy?! It shocked me. I have been living in a state of near panic most of the time as if my fight or flight response had completely gone haywire.…
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Saving for tomorrow
I have this great “problem” of being incredibly intense and focused on whatever it is I’m doing. I say “problem” because, while it makes me incredibly efficient and allows me to go knee deep in whatever I’m working on or doing, it also means I run the risk of burning out or overdoing it. I had caffeine for the first time in a week today and I swear I felt like I could take on ANYTHING. It reminded me why I started drinking caffeine in the first place – the level of energy was incredible. I went to the gym…
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Hold the mirror up
Truth is everywhere. It’s in religions, books, sports, work, play, relationships, strangers, etc. I’m realizing more and more how important it is to have people who can shine light on your own personal truth. The people who will hold you accountable and hold the mirror up to you so you can face yourself knowing you aren’t alone. The people who take the time to know you so they even have an understanding of what your reflection might look like. The ones who can speak truth to who you are and what you want even when you struggle to explain it yourself. I…
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Leadership Styles
If I had to sum up any sort of “leadership style” I accidentally strive to follow, it would be these two: service leadership & leading from the front. I don’t read a lot of books on leadership surprisingly. I don’t “study it” like I probably should. I just started reading The Score Takes Care of Itself: My Philosophy of Leadership by Bill Walsh when it struck me that this was likely one of the first handful of leadership focused books I’ve read. I do truly believe it’s important to study the lessons of those who came before you but I also am a…
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Candy Coating Conformity
“One of the greatest glories of growing older is the willingness to ask why and, getting no good answer, deciding to follow my own inclinations and desires. Asking why is the way to wisdom. Why are we supposed to want possessions we don’t need and work that seems beside the point and tight shoes and a fake tan? Why are we supposed to think new is better than old, youth and vigor better than long life and experience? Why are we supposed to turn our backs on those who have preceded us and to snipe at those who come after?…
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a way to use the pain
“Most people carry that pain around inside them their whole lives, until they kill the pain by other means, or until it kills them. But you, my friends, you found another way: a way to use the pain. To burn it as fuel, for light and warmth. You have learned to break the world that has tried to break you.” -Lev Grossman Today, this gave me motivation.
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Teamwork makes the dream work
Every year, Automatticians (the name we fondly use to describe those like me who work for Automattic) gather for a week to meet in person to learn, create, teach, question, celebrate, and grow with each other. We call this the “Grand Meetup”. This year’s location was in Whistler, Canada which proved to be a gorgeous spot for this kind of company time to happen. I don’t know if it’s just me but being near mountains tends to put me in both a reflective and inspirational mood. Officially, I’m a happiness engineer and team lead working on WordPress.org products like Jetpack,…
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Dreams of extroversion
I was texting a friend of mine the other day – a true, introverted friend. I said simply… I would love for a day to experience what it’s like to be an extrovert and to get energy from other people rather than feeling like I just got run over and my brain is melting. I was at a conference and after talking to the 20th person about the same thing, I was beginning to feel my brain slowly get fuzzy. It’s a funny thought though. Who would I be if I were an extrovert? How would I spend my time…
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A Postcard a Day
“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only what you are expecting to give — which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving.”― Katharine Hepburn I’m trying a new experiment where I write as many postcards as I can on a weekly basis. Whether it’s daily or just once a week I sit down and bust out 5 postcards, it’s such an important exercise to actively think about sending out well wishes to…
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Automattic: Two Year Anniversary
It’s my two year anniversary with Automattic and I’m in disbelief. How has it been two years? My life has radically transformed in many ways since starting work at Automattic. I went from feeling like an out of place psychology major thrown into the tech world unaware of what I got myself into to a confident and productive team lead who is endlessly learning about myself and the world around me. Automattic has given me financial independence, control over my time, the ability to see the world, a place at the table, trust to lead two separate teams, a voice in…
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Interference
I went to this house concert through SoFar Sounds last weekend. It was quite the hipster experience with a BYOB policy, acoustic jams, perfectly imperfect outfits, and cute little dogs running around everywhere. Joking aside, it really was a fantastic time and I even made friends there plus won 2 tickets for the next round. During the intro, they discussed how they started SoFar Sounds to basically bring back the connection to the music. The founders noticed too many people barely were engaged in the concerts they went to and this was their effort to lessen the interference – to shrink the stage and…
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On knowing and being known
“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” ― Carl Sagan This past Sunday, I was headed back from Balboa park deep in thought after a beautiful (and free) organ concert when I realized I wasn’t using a GPS to tell me where and when to turn. This seems like a silly realization but when you’ve been nomading like I have it was huge. I came to San Diego to find community – to know and be known – and this was the first sign of these puzzle pieces of community coming together. I knew how to get home. I had a…
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Therapy
“Courage doesn’t happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are ready to face the questions you have been avoiding your whole life.” ― Shannon L. Alder People don’t often realize that the quotes I share on Facebook are quotes I first needed to read for my own sanity. I often struggle with exactly the theme of the quote I post. I’m not diving into the newest fitness routine or going on a silent yoga retreat or doing a 4 week cleanse. All of these things might also help but for me I need to see someone consistently…
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Identity breaking points
I’m reading a book with some coworkers called Moving Diversity Forward: How to Go From Well-Meaning to Well-Doing (buy it here). Part of it is examining diversity in your life and diverse parts of your identity. Here are the questions we’re discussing: 1) What is your race, your ethnicity, your socioeconomic class (now and growing up), your religion, your gender? (feel free to share other identities you consider important). 2) What types of diversity have there been in the various stages of your life? 3) What do you like about your cultural background? 4) What do you find difficult or what don’t you…
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4am friends
“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” ― Marlene Dietrich Meet one of my 4am friends, Steven. Over the last 9 months, we’ve explored Washington DC, Austin, and Denver together. I didn’t realize it until recently that this was the first time we had traveled anywhere together. Growing up we spent most of our time biking around Winter Park hanging out in random parks and staying up way too late. The amazing thing is that our friendship is one where we can stay in the same spot for hours and it still feels like we covered so…
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Little distractions
I’ve been go go go-ing for the last couple of months with work and haven’t had much time to truly pause. This morning I walked slowly to a coffee shop to read only to find myself barely able to concentrate on doing so for longer than few minutes at a time. I realized that my jumping around at work the last couple of weeks filtering through pings, emails, tickets, notifications, texts, etc. made me lose my hyperfocusing abilities. I started getting agitated with myself when I realized part of the problem: my phone was visible on the table. It was…
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It’s too late for that
I grew up playing with airsoft guns. I remember with pride the first time I bought my very own at 9 years old. I brought it home and shot it for hours collecting each and every clay pellet as I went. I didn’t want to lose a single one – each one was precious and expensive as I had foregone buying the cheaper plastic ones. I bought it mainly to fit in with my brother and his friends who used to play in our backyard. It was all dirt back then but we had transformed it through digging deep holes and…
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Grief
“Loss and pain in the world is unimaginable but I want them to try.” – Max Porter from Grief is The Thing With Feathers I want to make an example of my Grief. I made the decision to live through it so now I must learn from it. I’ve entered into a contract with life’s lessons and I must uphold my end of the bargain. While Grief has me in its grasps, I want to get a good description of him. Almost like you would while being attacked and the attacker is just feet away. Height. Hair color. Body type. The sound…
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Honest Tears
“I would rather wear honest tears than the most beautiful and elaborately faked smile.” ― Tyler Knott Gregson For better or for worse.
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Orlando
I grew up in Orlando – Winter Park to be exact. I didn’t “come out” until I was hundreds of miles away in college at UNC my freshmen year. It’s not that I felt that Orlando was a particularly unsafe place to be LGBTQ. Quite the opposite really seeing as the neighbors across the street who let my family use their generator during the hurricanes in 2005 were two gay men. I knew LGBTQ identifying people. They were my neighbors, my coaches, my teachers, my peers, and my teammates. I’ll never forget in middle school trying to help one of my dear…
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Through the cracks
I was crossing the street today when I stepped in a very small and shallow puddle. The second I did I could feel water seeping into my right shoe. I didn’t think much of it until I realized that – you know – the bottom of my shoe should have prevented that from happening. Curious I lifted my shoe up only to find a very obvious hole in the bottom of my sambas. When I went to take my shoe off to see how bad the damage was, I noticed my sock had a gaping hole in the heel. In pulling up…
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I am not going to waste it.
I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. I felt completely glued to my bed as if I was a child again and the floor would turn to lava if I stepped out of the covers. I woke up and immediately snoozed my alarm multiple times not even giving my conscious brain a chance to talk myself out of what I was doing. I know myself well enough at this point that I’ve resorted to making my alarms my backup motivation plan (see featured image): I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it. It’s inspired…
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Show your colors, girl.
I wake up thinking ’bout my purpose And wonder if I’m really worth it It’s all been sung before and you’ve all heard it (Here we go, go, go) Your life is your design, so go ahead design it. Your star is in the sky, so go ahead align it. Cause you’re forever lost, until you go and find it. (Go, go!) Go find it! Show your colors girl in the morning light It’s on again, it’s on again Recreate the world in your own good vibes It’s on again, it’s on again It’s all in your head, in…
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and if today i am not enough
holes have been left and holes have been filled. i have grown close to people i only once hoped to be close with. i am learning about myself. i am learning about life. i am thankful. bottom line. i am thankful that i am alive. i am thankful that i am at a wonderful university. i am thankful i am surrounded by the people i am. i am thankful that i am able to get a peek into their lives and share in their triumphs and downfalls. i want to make a difference. that is all. i just want to…
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uncategorized
“There are lots of things we never understand, no matter how many years we put on, no matter how much experience we accumulate.” -Haruki Murakami I used to be of the belief that all aspects of life will inevitably start to make more sense as time wears on. I now believe it’s likely that rather than understanding things better I’ve just become more adept at accepting ambiguity. Rather than placing a memory firmly in a category in my head like I would a blog post, I become okay with leaving it “uncategorized” as a category in and of itself. I’d rather leave a…
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“You don’t know…
“You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch. Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been…
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