For a fuller view of my writing beyond my recent posts, dive in below and peruse as much or as little as you’d like. I write about a wide range of topics from WordPress to Surrogacy to Photography to Mental Health. Don’t follow me if you want to only hear about a certain topic as I write based on what comes up for me in that moment of time. As always, thanks for reading.
-
27
“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ― Mary Jean Irion This quote is one of my favorites and it…
-
deliberate delayed gratification
A year and a half ago, I snagged two disposable cameras. I sent one to someone I was getting to know as she embarked on building a new home in Salt Lake City and I kept one for myself as I headed off to return to San Diego. In the letter that accompanied the disposable camera, I explained how I thought it might be fun for her to take pictures of her new home in such a delayed way as that’s often how restarting feels. You never know how something might turn out — the coffee shop around the corner…
-
Vast dictionary — Surrogacy Stories
Had to re-share a post from another site I run on a recent visit with a therapist that made me appreciate the dictionary of words I carry with me as I live out being a surrogate kid: For a long time, I sought out a therapist who understood surrogacy and who I’d be able to talk at length with about everything that swirls around this odd area of my life. I recently realized though that in seeking out a unicorn therapist, I was limiting growth in other areas of my life. I […] Vast dictionary — Surrogacy Stories
-
emotional foam rolling
Despite this blog’s current domain name (nomad.blog), I’m practicing staying in one place. You’d think this would be an obvious thing to. do since I have had an apartment somewhere in San Diego for most of the last 3 years but that didn’t stop me in the past. I’ve left for months at a time returning only for a few weeks before departing again. I’m finding that the longer I stay in one place, the more memories spontaneously come to the surface. It’s as if when I travel, my brain is too busy making new connections with people or ideas…
-
Record book
Confession time: my first ever blog was on Blogger and I still write on it. It’s private with only four souls ever being given access over its ~14 year history. No one has access currently and the 653 posts represent my young heart out in the ether. Unfortunately, the posts only go back to 2009 as I deleted prior posts in a moment of hormonal teenage angst that I still regret to this day. The only way I cope with this loss of information is knowing that I truly believe it was an integral part in helping my little soul…
-
little homes
It’s a bizzare experience to be able to add so many layers of memories on top of a place so far from where you live. I’ve returned to Portland. I don’t know how many times I’ve been here before but I can feel three distinct layers of memories: the deep gray, the warmth of connection, the draw of nature. Somehow my memories of this place mold themselves into these boxes like the cats I take care of and cuddle with while I’m here. One night in high school, my curiosity got away from me and I ended up grilling a…
-
lifechat ramble
The first “lifechat” I can remember having was in 3rd grade. I was at my elementary school by the monkey bars with a 5th grader during some sort of recess period. We spoke so easily about what felt like hard topics for two kiddos. I remember walking away from the conversation feeling so alive with my young mind spilling over with questions. The conversation continued long after it ended in my head as I zoned out for the rest of the school day. Since then, this “lifechat” philosophy has become one that is at the core of who I am…
-
chosen integration
As my sabbatical winds down, I feel at peace and am looking optimistically towards the future. I was expecting pre-work nerves to creep up more as the day came to an end — similar to the feelings I had not so long ago when returning to school after a summer break. Instead, I feel a sense of calm and confidence that I can integrate what I’ve learned on my sabbatical into my everyday life. The last month of my sabbatical was dedicated to psychological changes in many ways. I focused on my internal space through reading, building the habit of…
-
well worn mental paths
With less than two weeks left of my sabbatical, I have started to more seriously think about work. Coworkers have begun reaching out and checking in which has helped move me back into that part of my universe. As I do so, I find myself stumbling upon well worn mental paths around work. I’ve spent so much time exploring other parts of my mental forrest that I forgot I ever had these readily accessible paths. Two questions come to mind as I rediscover them: Do I want to walk along these paths at all? If I do, how can I…
-
Restlessness
In a fit of restlessness just moments ago, I forced myself to meditate. Thankfully, Headspace, the app I use to meditate, has a little pack on the exact topic. As I held space for myself and observed what I was feeling, I felt something I don’t quite know if I’ve ever felt before. Whereas I likely normally get stuck on the top layer of this feeling, it’s like I was given access for the first time to a deeper layer — a feeling beneath a feeling. At first, frustration dashed with impatience washed over me. I want to make the…
-
layered celebration
I have been experimenting with not documenting life as much over the last week. As part of this, I deactivated my instagram account and have routinely opted not to snag my “nice” fujifilm camera as I go to leave for the day. The pictures I have taken on my dated iPhone 6 are easy, quick, and typically make me laugh or think. They are purely selfish pictures for an audience of one (me). With distance from documenting, I’m finding that this particular picture I took exactly a week ago has somehow continued to haunt me whispering to share it. I’m…
-
Sabbatical Reflections: Month 1
I’m one month into my sabbatical and am forcing myself to write despite an annoying cut on my right index finger that hurts with every keystroke. This may seem miserable but it’s a glorious thing taken in whole. To start, I cut my finger while trying to peel fresh ginger. I’ve never cooked with fresh ginger before my sabbatical and decided to dive into some neat ramen dishes this week. This fresh ginger has taken on a new life as a “tea” of sorts too mixed with lemon and some honey. On top of this, the idea of needing to…
-
No particular order
In no particular order and without much context, I offer some random realizations that have struck me thus far during my sabbatical. A ton makes me happy and they are often very little things. I have a vast amount of internalized homophobia to the point that sometimes just having someone accept me feels like an “ask” that I’ve made of them. I seem to constantly feel a step below others as a result and just happy to be able to be allowed around them. I am feeling ready to leave San Diego as a home base. I’m considering somewhere in…
-
the rest to fade
I don’t know how it’s been a decade. Trauma is weird in that it can control aspects of time in a cruel DJ-like way. Here comessss the drop (oh god). A decade ago, a teammate of mine was in a horrific accident that happened right in front of about half of the team, myself included. She ended up losing her left leg and nearly losing her right one in an attempt to save her life. Somehow the press got ahold of the story which turned what happened into a seemingly national headline (Good Morning America eventually interviewed her). Thankfully, today…
-
if it’s safe
I’m on day three of my sabbatical and I can feel Restlessness peering its head out waiting to see if it’s safe to come bounding into my brain. It’s holding back for now but my fingers long to type and my brain itches for something to dig into. Instead, I write longer than necessary emails and texts to friends. I’ve started doing a daily note reflection and am accumulating more books than I know I can reasonably read. Thank god I travel light and have only so much space for books. I managed to shove three into my bag home…
-
emotional game time
“In anthropology, liminality (from the Latin word līmen, meaning “a threshold”[1]) is the quality of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage of a rite of passage, when participants no longer hold their pre-ritual status but have not yet begun the transition to the status they will hold when the rite is complete.[2] During a rite’s liminal stage, participants “stand at the threshold”[3] between their previous way of structuring their identity, time, or community, and a new way, which completing the rite establishes.” – snagged from this Wikipedia entry. When leaving a private slack channel, should you always say goodbye? How exactly do you say…
-
Automattic: 5 Year Anniversary
These are some of my favorite posts to write. I love an excuse to reflect and to gush about a part of my life that has brought me so much – like talking about a dear friend. As the years go by, it becomes harder to speak on how Automattic has impacted my life and the person it’s enabled me to become. It’s not about working remotely — it’s about a shift in my mindset to one of abundance, of thinking globally, of intentionality. To be able to be so authentic in such a lovely culture has done something marvelous…
-
Honor them
Do you know those moments where you just feel something is about to go wrong? Last summer, I was walking on a rugged trail in Colorado when I paused and had a feeling of needing to turn back wash over me. “Come on, Anne! It’s a pretty day. Don’t turn around now.” I talked myself out of it and continued on only to step directly on top of a rattlesnake mere steps from where I had paused. I managed to escape unscathed but extremely rattled (see what I did there). I still think about that moment often – Why didn’t…
-
Stuck
Recently, I’ve been stuck on two concepts. What got me to this point in life isn’t necessarily what will help me get through the future. A coping mechanism of the past can hold me back in the future. It’s important for me to revisit this, question myself, and grow. It’s a fine art as an adult to learn what to stay sensitive to. It’s feeling increasingly easy to choose desensitization and normalization over staying sensitive, aware, and engaged. Life is long and I don’t want to burn out in a quick flame. The first concept touches on how I navigate…
-
failed for fun
On a whim and with time to spare, I decided to start an Intro to Operations course through Wharton via Coursera (ohhh the internet). The last time I took a true online “course” was the summer of 2013 when I desperately needed to scrap together 120+ credits to graduate college in three years. I took three courses online through UCF that summer (the local, massive college in my hometown) including Sport Psychology. I hated learning that way. One of the courses I took was some sort of an anthropology class focused on archaeology. The lectures were ridiculously boring, the quizzes…
-
must remind myself
When things get hard, I always must remind myself that it’s exactly the right time to focus in rather than fall apart. It’s easy to do great work and all of the right things by everyone when everything is easy. That’s no measure of character or will though. The moment I feel the winds change, see the uphill climb, feel the weight added on — that’s the time to double down and fall back on my character. When things are hardest, that’s the time it matters most to do right, to be sharp, to be resilient, and to be a…
-
long line
The World Cup has been dazzling and dramatic. I expected nothing less. I keep having moments of disbelief that I’m actually here and watching the games. I rub my eyes, blink a million times, and strain my eyes to soak up every sight I can. This is where my instinct to remember and capture everything comes roaring into play nearly exhausting me. Growing up, I used to spend hours documenting whether it was trying to capture videos, pictures, or just scribbling down journal entries into my private blogger account. I have always had this strong desire to remember and to…
-
Better to witness
I’ve been sharing too much on Instagram recently rather than sharing here first despite my new framework for approaching social media and, with time off for a few days, I’m trying to be more dedicated in creating that embracing the new habits I set for myself. I started today ready to explore Chamonix in full after a long day of working yesterday. I realized recently that when I only have a few days off, I don’t do a great job of disconnecting. I managed okay today only spending about 10-15 minutes quickly checking in on some unusually important items, realizing…
-
Extreme ownership & extreme collaboration
Quick thought on a Saturday morning before venturing out to a museum and another World Cup game. In working remotely for just over 8 years now including my time at University, I’ve learned the power of fully embracing two seemingly disparate ideas: extreme ownership and extreme collaboration. If I take something on, I act as if it is solely up to me to keep tabs on the work and keep it alive. I set reminders. I break down tasks. I create a plan. I let stakeholders know what’s going on. I provide updates. I provide chances for folks to help.…
-
I get to
I don’t know how this mental switch started or when but let’s say it was recently (unrelated – why does it matter when?). I’ve started restating items that stress me out or cause a sensation of numbness to come over me as “I get to…”. While on this recent stint in Europe, I’ve been dreading the metro in Paris as some trips we’ve ended up being slammed together body to body in a way only reminiscent of my time in San Francisco. As we’re hurtling along with anxiety and fatigue overwhelming me, I question every decision that brought me to…
-
The promises you make to yourself
In the summer of 2015, hardly a year into my time at Automattic, I traveled to Vancouver, Canada where I camped out for a month to catch the Women’s World Cup. It was a surreal trip and one of the first times I vividly remember making a real home in a foreign place. I remember my mom coming up for some games after a friend bailed and jumping on the bus with her. She marveled at my ability to navigate the city. Meanwhile, I was still on edge and panicked about accidentally heading the wrong way :D. As soon as…
-
Unexpected
I had the most unexpected day. I dragged myself out into nature after wanting to just finish up work and succumb to Netflix reruns. Instead, I went on a splendid 10 mile hike on a ridiculously gorgeous day and made new connections with three incredible women. They misgendered me when I first passed by them on the way up the mountain. When I reached the top, I paused to eat, hydrate, and decide my path back down. I’m notoriously bad at hydrating and fueling my body regularly so I had promised myself I would take an extended break once I…
-
Disagree and commit
A quick, almost drive by note: I’ve noticed when I’m critical of an idea, people think that it means I’m not engaged in making the work a success when it’s precisely the opposite. Being critical is often overlooked as a form of engagement – like an upset user that people just want to dismiss. It baffles me. Engagement is more complex than just positivity. Beyond that, I will be the first to work hard to prove myself wrong. I wholeheartedly embrace disagreeing and committing. After all, I love fighting what can feel like an uphill battle and having at least…
-
Burnt Lake
I hardly slept last night. I can’t pinpoint why but it was pure anxiety… over a wonderful, relaxing Sunday outdoors. Go figure. I tried listening to podcasts. I tried silence. I tried deep breathing. I tried. I really tried to sleep. When I finally “woke up” or rather it became time for me to eventually make a decision about the day, I nearly opted not to venture out. My computer screen called to my tired spirit. As I mulled over what to do, I recalled the gist of some wise words I overheard on a hike last week between two…
-
Responsibly
Sometimes the best way to get perspective is to get distance and disconnect. I think about this often and have written about this idea many times before. This past week being off of all social media (again) has given me the space to reflect on what I miss about the platform and what role it plays in my life. I’ve come to learn that I often default to all or nothing thinking causing me to miss out on some fantastic middle ground solutions. In the case of social media, I think I’ve found a middle ground path forward that will…
agm 